Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people believe the primary problem in environmental space is the extinction of specific
species
of plants and animals. Considered by some, there are more serious environmental issues.
This
essay will discuss both views and give
opinion
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an opinion
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about it. On the one hand, many
species
in
this
world
that are
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apply
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undoubtedly have a huge impact
in
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on
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our
life
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lives
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.
For instance
,
shark
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sharks
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is
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are
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one of the most precious
predator
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predators
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in the sea. As the king of the food chain in its habitat,
shark
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sharks
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dominate and help to control
fish
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the fish
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population.
However
, the number has significantly decreased since decades ago
due to
massive demand for its fin where many
Asian
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Asians
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believe it is a powerful alternative medicine for various diseases. If
this
endangered
species
goes
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go
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extinct, it will bring
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an unstable
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unstable
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an unstable
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population
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into
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in
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into
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the sea that will eventually affect the stability of the environment.
On the other hand
, pollution has been a serious issue for
human
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humans
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, plants and animals. Many industries
has
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have
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contributed
many
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to many
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forms of pollution and
its
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apply
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damage
our
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to our
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water, soil, and air.
For example
, we had many accidents where ships dropped crude oil
to
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into
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open water
that
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apply
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had brought
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causing
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fish
died
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apply
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. If
this
keep
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keeps
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occur
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occurring
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, eventually it will impact our life quality and expectancy as it
damaging
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damages
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our source of
foods
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food
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. In conclusion, the problems in environmental
area
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areas
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should not focus merely
in
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on
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some animals or
plants
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plant
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species
.
It
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We
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also
need
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needs
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to think
the
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about the
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root cause of the problems which
probably
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is probably
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ourselves as
human
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humans
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.
Furthermore
, we need to teach our new generation to take care our
mother nature
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Mother Nature
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and look for green energy in the future.
Submitted by riki on

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task achievement
The essay adequately discusses both views and provides an opinion, but could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the topic. Consider not only stating the importance of species and pollution but also exploring their interconnections and potential solutions more deeply.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression of ideas is somewhat clear, but the essay could be improved by enhancing the transitions between paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use linking words more effectively to improve coherence.
task achievement
While there are specific examples provided, such as the importance of sharks in the marine ecosystem and pollution incidents, try to include more varied and detailed examples to support your points. This can make your argument more compelling and grounded.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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