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Band 5.5

More people will work from home and more student will study at home if computer technology becomes cheap and accessible. What will be the advantage and disadvantage if this happen?

#people #work #home #student #study #computer #technology #advantage #happen
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In
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With
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 the advent of affordable and accessible computer technology, a shift towards remote
work
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 and online learning is indeed foreseeable.
While
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this
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 transition holds various advantages, it
also
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 brings along significant disadvantages. One major advantage of
this
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 scenario is the flexibility it offers to individuals. Working from home allows employees to have a better
work
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-life balance, as commuting time is minimized, and they can structure their day more independently.
Similarly
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, students studying from home can benefit from a more customized learning environment, potentially leading to increased academic performance.
Furthermore
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, the widespread availability of remote
work
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 and online education can contribute to reduced greenhouse gas emissions. With fewer people commuting to
work
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 or school, there would be a decrease in carbon emissions and traffic congestion, leading to a more sustainable environment.
However
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, there are notable disadvantages to
this
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 shift as well. Working from home may lead to feelings of isolation and a lack of social interaction, which are important for mental well-being.
Additionally
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, the boundary between
work
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 or study and personal life can become blurred, making it challenging to disconnect and relax. From an educational standpoint, remote learning might not be suitable for all students. Some individuals thrive in a traditional classroom setting, benefitting from face-to-face interactions with teachers and peers. The lack of hands-on learning experiences and potential technological barriers could
also
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 hinder the learning process for certain students. In conclusion,
while
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 the increased accessibility of computer technology may usher in a new era of remote
work
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 and online education with its advantages of flexibility, environmental benefits, and personalized learning, it is crucial to acknowledge the potential drawbacks
such
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 as social isolation, blurred boundaries, and challenges for certain individuals in adapting to these new modes of
work
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 and study. Striking a balance between the conveniences of technology and the essential elements of in-person interaction will be key
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to
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 maximizing the benefits of
this
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 potential shift.
Submitted by batirka06 on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you answer all parts of the prompt in depth. While you touched on both the advantages and disadvantages, providing more detailed and varied examples to support your points will enhance clarity and task response.
coherence cohesion
Increase the coherence of your essay by using a wider range of linking phrases and clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the question asked. This will make the progression of ideas more logical and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
To boost the essay's cohesion, try to more clearly connect main ideas within and across paragraphs. The use of cohesive devices is good, but increasing their variety and maintaining a tighter topic focus will aid in creating a more unified narrative.
task achievement
Work on developing your main points further by incorporating a wider array of specific, relevant examples and detailed explanations. This will not only show a deeper understanding of the topic but also engage the reader more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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