There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
Nowadays, youngsters have a lot of pressure to be successful in their academic
studies
. As a consequence
, some people
think that irrelevant subjects
like physical education and cookery must be taken off from the program of study thus
young people
can be more focused on academic tasks. I do not agree with this
statement because I believe some extracurricular subjects
can help to develop different skills
in children.
Firstly
, studying a huge range of subjects
can help children to learn about different things. Specifically, getting knowledge about non-curricular subjects
when we are at school is interesting because helps us to develop many skills
apart from those we get studying academic subjects
. For example
, a
recent research conducted by Oxford University has shown that children who spend their first years studying non-academic Remove the article
apply
subjects
have more mental flexibility and more skills
than those who concentrate only on academic subjects
.
Secondly
, putting pressure on young people
to be academically successful could be harmful to their health. Especially, a lot of youngsters suffer from stress during their College years because of the feeling of getting high scores in every subject and also
, they have the wrong idea that being successful will help them get better jobs.
As a consequence
, a lot of students give up on their studies
. For example
, an article written by Forbes magazine has exposed that 56% of youngsters in the United States have stopped their studies
because of all the stress.
In conclusion, despite young people
's need to start their studies
and be successful in their academic subjects
, non-curricular topics help to develop others
Change noun form
others'
other's
skills
and have more capacity to learn about different thing
in life.Fix the agreement mistake
things
Submitted by msolemilocco on
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Introduction/Conclusion
Work on creating a clear introduction and conclusion. Your essay should start with a sentence that paraphrases the question and ends with a concise statement of your opinion on the matter.
Logical Structure
Focus on developing a logical structure within your essay. This means having clear paragraphs each with a single main idea that is discussed, supported, and concluded.
Supported Main Points
Support your main points with more specific examples and detailed explanations. This will help you to develop your arguments more fully and make them more convincing. Use references to studies or statistics to back your claims, but ensure they are realistic and believable.
Complete Response
While your response covers the task, you could improve by providing a more complete answer to the prompt. Discuss both sides of the argument (even if to refute one side) and ensure your own position is clear throughout.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Work on sharpening your thesis statement to guide your entire essay. It should clearly state your main points and indicate the direction of your argument.
Relevant Specific Examples
Incorporate a wider range of relevant, specific examples. These can be drawn from your own experiences, observations, or from credible external sources.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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