You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
There has been a significant increase in
Correct article usage
the numbers
numbers
of Fix the agreement mistake
number
tenaagers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
ecountered
with obesity as a health concern in many Correct your spelling
encountered
countered
reowned
nations. There are several factors responsible for Correct your spelling
renowned
Correct article usage
the arise
arise
of Correct your spelling
rise
this
issue and in many ways
it has affected people. Add a comma
ways,
This
essay will critically analyze both topics and present a valid stance.
The very first reason is consumption
of fast Add an article
the consumption
food
readily available around the corner. These days kids tend to consume alot
of sugary drinks Correct your spelling
a lot
along with
junk food
, on many occasions parent
are more likely Fix the agreement mistake
parents
want
to avoid all hastle related to preparing Fix the infinitive
to want
food
at home due to
which teenagers left
with the Add a missing verb
are left
options
of eating outside. Fix the agreement mistake
option
Secondly
, kids spend most of their time engaging in gadgets instead
of sweating running in playgrounds. If younger ones only watches
programs on television just by sitting for several hours could easily result in Change the verb form
watch
weight
gain. For example
-TOI published that 45% young
folks prefer spending time engaging with technologies despite Change preposition
of young
being
enjoying Unnecessary verb
apply
sports
in nature.
The above doings can definitely results
in major concerns Change the verb form
result
such
as major health issues at tender
age.
If children consume unhealthy carbs, they are less likely to feel energetic Add an article
a tender
and
results in Correct word choice
which
weight
gain. Undoubtedly weight
gain is directly proportional to diseases. Adding to this
, it can limit children by
learning Change preposition
from
sports
. It is quite obvious, sports
need young comers to be physically active and eating outside has adverse
impact on Add an article
an adverse
this
. For instance
, As per
USA's research on Obesity among teenagers has claimed that Change preposition
apply
less
number of kids showed interest in outdoor Fix the agreement mistake
a smaller
activites
, Correct your spelling
activities
who
had some Correct word choice
and
weight related
problems.
Add a hyphen
weight-related
To conclude
, enough food
options of
indulging Change preposition
apply
into
Change preposition
in
junk
Correct article usage
a junk
food
diet and more usage of electronic device
are major Fix the agreement mistake
devices
resons
responsible for Correct your spelling
reasons
overweight
among adolescents. Add a missing verb
being overweight
Moreover
, these bad influence
can result Fix the agreement mistake
influences
into
various diseases and restrict trying different Change preposition
in
sports
at young
age.Add an article
a young
Submitted by kukretihimani767 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more coherently. Start with a clear introduction, follow up with well-structured body paragraphs, and conclude effectively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea.
task achievement
Include specific, real-world examples to support your arguments. While the TOI and USA research examples are helpful, providing more specific details or statistics can strengthen your argument.
grammar
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation. Your essay has several grammatical errors and typos (e.g., 'encountered' instead of 'encounter', 'arise' rather than 'the rise', 'hassle' instead of 'hastle'). Careful proofreading can help eliminate these issues.
style
Diversify your sentence structures to enhance readability and keep the reader engaged. Avoid repetitive sentence beginnings and aim for a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences.
vocabulary
Be careful with your vocabulary choices and strive for accuracy and appropriateness in word usage. For example, 'renowned nations' could be replaced with 'developed countries' for clarity.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
