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Writing Samples
Band 5

what are advantages and disadvantages of leaving school at age 16 or 18 years old instead of going to university

#school #age #years #university
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Universities are very
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
important as it is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
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a building block and after that
students
 usually end up getting their jobs. Many
students
 are not able to gain
this
 experience of studying in
university
due to
 financial or
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
personal reasons. Voluntarily leaving school is a good idea for those who really want to explore their career options and want to try something out of their league. Many
students
 follow
this
 path in
hope
Correct article usage
the hope
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 of learning something new that can be revolutionary. There are many advantages to
this
 as these
students
 are more likely
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
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 prepared for their future in
early
Correct article usage
the early
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 stage. Many
students
 start jobs earlier and they start earning earlier, which helps them in understanding
this
 world better. The biggest advantage is when they start taking responsibilities earlier, they are more likely to
get
Verb problem
be
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 successful in their life. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand, there is much more they are missing out
and16
Correct your spelling
and 16
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
18
Change preposition
at 18
show examples
 years of age is to study but leaving the school diverts them from their route.
University
 education teaches many things which can be helpful to
students
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and there are many opportunities that they miss out
by
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on by
show examples
 not going to
university
.
Students
 can still learn something new and discover something
while
 studying
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
university
.
University
 education provides a platform
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
students
 which helps them to succeed in their lives. In conclusion, I think there are both advantages and disadvantages to
this
 thought.
According to
 me, it depends on a student's condition like some can't afford
university
 fees or any other reason might be there. It
also
 depends on their mindset regarding what they want to experience in their life.
Submitted by tirththakkar23 on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement in your introduction to immediately address the essay prompt. This sets a strong foundation for your argument and helps guide the reader through your discussion.
coherence & cohesion
When discussing advantages and disadvantages, clearly differentiate between the two sections. Use paragraph headings or clear transition sentences to mark the shift from discussing advantages to disadvantages.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support each point. Real-life examples, statistics, or studies can make your arguments more persuasive and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence & cohesion
Work on creating a more defined conclusion that restates your main arguments and provides a clear, decisive stance. This strengthens the overall impact of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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