In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
It is true
due to
some factors that people
tend to grow older these days. In most countries, people
tend to live longer, while
some individuals
say that Correct article usage
the aging
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
population
burdens the government, others opine that elderly people
present in society
plays
an important role. Correct subject-verb agreement
play
In
my perspective, I believe the advantage of having an Change preposition
From
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
population
outweighs the demerits such
that, there's the transfer of intergenerational knowledge, enhances
Wrong verb form
enhanced
cultural
richness and Add an article
the cultural
bring
forth wise community.
One most beneficial Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
impact
of having older Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
people
in society
helps
transfer Wrong verb form
help
inter generational
knowledge to young adults. These Correct your spelling
intergenerational
people
carry so much wisdom
that could help young people
in life. For example
, in a traditional society
with elderly individuals
, grandparents plays
a pivotal role in cultural values and Change the verb form
play
wisdom
to their grandchildren. Moreover
, they also
are knowledgeable and tend to value culture wisdom
and experience hence
, fostering a rich community. Other people
also
helps
young Correct subject-verb agreement
help
individuals
in decision making
that can impact their lives.
Add a hyphen
decision-making
On the other hand
, one significant demerit of elderly people
is the rising
in healthcare and social services. Older Replace the word
rise
people
tend to require medical attention as they grow older which puts great
burden on Add an article
a great
government
and Correct article usage
the government
working
force. Social welfare amenities are Correct article usage
the working
also
provided in supporting
their upkeep. Countries Change preposition
to support
such
as Japan and China has
Change the verb form
have
a
large older Correct article usage
apply
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
hence
, the rising of
healthcare costs and Change preposition
apply
need
since most Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
people
need life support and other important items to sustain their wellbeing
.
Correct your spelling
well-being
To conclude
, despite the challenges of older individuals
living in society
in terms of healthcare and social amenities, the benefits of their existence are greatly profound and I believe supporting Add an article
a society
Correct article usage
the aging
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
population
can enlighten or
Correct your spelling
our
society
with wide wisdom
and values.Submitted by dede on
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Task Achievement
Ensure a clear and well-defined thesis statement in the introduction. It helps set a clear direction for the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
In each body paragraph, start with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea you will discuss. This improves coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., notwithstanding, furthermore) and paragraphing effectively to manage ideas.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. This strengthens your essay and improves task achievement.
Task Achievement
Revise for minor grammatical errors and work on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...