IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true
due to
Linking Words
 some factors that
people
Use synonyms
 tend to grow older these days. In most countries,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to live longer,
while
Linking Words
 some
individuals
Use synonyms
 say that
Correct article usage
the aging
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 burdens the government, others opine that elderly
people
Use synonyms
 present in
society
Use synonyms
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 an important role.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective, I believe the advantage of having an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 outweighs the demerits
such
Linking Words
 that, there's the transfer of intergenerational knowledge,
enhances
Wrong verb form
enhanced
show examples
cultural
Add an article
the cultural
show examples
 richness and
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 forth wise community. One most beneficial
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
 of having older
people
Use synonyms
 in
society
Use synonyms
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 transfer
inter generational
Correct your spelling
intergenerational
show examples
 knowledge to young adults. These
people
Use synonyms
 carry so much
wisdom
Use synonyms
 that could help young
people
Use synonyms
 in life.
For example
Linking Words
, in a traditional
society
Use synonyms
 with elderly
individuals
Use synonyms
, grandparents
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 a pivotal role in cultural values and
wisdom
Use synonyms
 to their grandchildren.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they
also
Linking Words
 are knowledgeable and tend to value culture
wisdom
Use synonyms
 and experience
hence
Linking Words
, fostering a rich community. Other
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 young
individuals
Use synonyms
 in
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 that can impact their lives.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, one significant demerit of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 is the
rising
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 in healthcare and social services. Older
people
Use synonyms
 tend to require medical attention as they grow older which puts
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 burden on
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 force. Social welfare amenities are
also
Linking Words
 provided
in supporting
Change preposition
to support
show examples
 their upkeep. Countries
such
Linking Words
 as Japan and China
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
large older
Use synonyms
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
hence
Linking Words
, the rising
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
healthcare costs and
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 since most
people
Use synonyms
 need life support and other important items to sustain their
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, despite the challenges of older
individuals
Use synonyms
 living in
Use synonyms
society
Add an article
a society
show examples
 in terms of healthcare and social amenities, the benefits of their existence are greatly profound and I believe supporting
Correct article usage
the aging
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 can enlighten
or
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 with wide
wisdom
Use synonyms
 and values.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure a clear and well-defined thesis statement in the introduction. It helps set a clear direction for the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
In each body paragraph, start with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea you will discuss. This improves coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., notwithstanding, furthermore) and paragraphing effectively to manage ideas.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. This strengthens your essay and improves task achievement.
Task Achievement
Revise for minor grammatical errors and work on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: