IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve the sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The dominant target of advertising is to increase the consumption of their
products
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.
Although
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 most companies use advertising to boost their
sales
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, most of them use it
also
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 to demonstrate new
products
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 that were launched recently.
Firstly
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, advertising is a key driver of
sales
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 for businesses.
Ads
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 can highlight special promotions, demonstrate the use of
products
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, or explain how assistance can solve a customer's problem, all of which can motivate and stimulate demand for a new brand or business or reignite interest in being eye-catching and repeating. By watching it multiple times, the curiosity of the audience increases,
hence
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 they end up purchasing it.
For example
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, the main source of income for major companies
such
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 as Coca-Cola or Pepsi is advertising
due to
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 the fact society scrolls on social media and watches on TV their effective and persuasive pop-up
ads
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 on a regular basis.
Thus
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, commercials have an immediate impact on business.
On the contrary
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, marketing not only focuses on raising their disposal,
buthowever
Correct your spelling
but
 advertising can
also
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 make the community aware of a product, service, or idea they may not have known about prior .
For instance
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, research shows that
ads
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 can increase brand awareness by 80%.
Furthermore
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,
ads
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 raise awareness of a good or service that the public didn't know existed, or they can persuade individuals to try something they
otherwise
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 wouldn't have. It can
also
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 create a sense of urgency or competition that encourages society to act quickly.
Therefore
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, promotions
also
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 concentrate on other aspects that help reach an audience. In conclusion, the majority of commercials try to raise product
sales
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while
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also
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 trying to introduce the viewer to something new. By considering all these points I agree that the main target of advertising is increasing the
sales
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 of their
products
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction outlines your position, but it could clearer state the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement. A more definitive stance would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs flow logically. Consider using linking words more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments. For instance, instead of 'On the contrary,' you might use 'Additionally' to introduce your second point regarding awareness.
task achievement
Some generalizations could be backed with specific examples or statistics that are more varied. Try to illustrate your points with examples other than just Coca-Cola or Pepsi, which could make your argument more compelling.
content
You present a balanced view by acknowledging the role of advertising beyond just increasing sales, which demonstrates critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
The essay maintains a reasonable structure, with clear separations between introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps readability.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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