IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information about the sales of the three most commonly purchased items in a particular bakery for the year 2014.

The graph below gives information about the sales of the three most commonly purchased items in a particular bakery for the year 2014.
#information #sales #three #items #bakery #year
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The line graph illustrates the information about the
sales
Use synonyms
 of the three
bakery
Fix the agreement mistake
bakeries
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 namely pies ,breads and buns in 2014 with instruments in dollars. As seen from the graph ,
breads
Change the wording
bread
pieces of bread
loaves of bread
slices of bread
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 have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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higher
sales
Use synonyms
 compared to
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 two in
january
Change the capitalization
January
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 with
total
Correct article usage
a total
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80,000
Change preposition
of 80,000
show examples
Use synonyms
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
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.
While
Linking Words
 pies have the
lower
Correct word choice
lowest
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 and buns the second in
sales
Use synonyms
,10,000
Use synonyms
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
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 and 40,000
Use synonyms
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
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 respectively.
On
Change preposition
In
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 the following months ,buns
sales
Use synonyms
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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gradually increased and stayed
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
steady
 until august with 70,000
Use synonyms
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
Use synonyms
sales
Change preposition
in sales
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 but unfortunately dropped to 30,000
Use synonyms
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
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 end of the year.
In contrast
Linking Words
, pies have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive trends throughout the year and had reached 40,000
dollar
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 in
december
Change the capitalization
December
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.
Finally
Linking Words
 , breads have fluctuation trends and have the same
sales
Use synonyms
 amount as the initial year.
Overall
Linking Words
 ,most people enjoyed buying bread compared to
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two
bakery
Change to a plural noun
bakeries
show examples
.
Submitted by tifjong on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, dollar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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