IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information about the sales of the three most commonly purchased items in a particular bakery for the year 2014.

The graph below gives information about the sales of the three most commonly purchased items in a particular bakery for the year 2014.
#information #sales #three #items #bakery #year
The line graph illustrates the information about the
sales
 of the three
bakery
Fix the agreement mistake
bakeries
show examples
 namely pies ,breads and buns in 2014 with instruments in dollars. As seen from the graph ,
breads
Change the wording
bread
pieces of bread
loaves of bread
slices of bread
show examples
 have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
sales
 compared to
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two in
january
Change the capitalization
January
show examples
 with
total
Correct article usage
a total
show examples
80,000
Change preposition
of 80,000
show examples
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
.
While
 pies have the
lower
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 and buns the second in
sales
,10,000
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
 and 40,000
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
 respectively.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the following months ,buns
sales
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually increased and stayed
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
steady
 until august with 70,000
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
sales
Change preposition
in sales
show examples
 but unfortunately dropped to 30,000
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
 end of the year.
In contrast
, pies have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive trends throughout the year and had reached 40,000
dollar
sales
 in
december
Change the capitalization
December
show examples
.
Finally
 , breads have fluctuation trends and have the same
sales
 amount as the initial year.
Overall
 ,most people enjoyed buying bread compared to
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two
bakery
Change to a plural noun
bakeries
show examples
.
Submitted by tifjong on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, dollar with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: