Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get new events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
A lot of people throughout the world prefer social networks to meet their needs in consuming
of
new information and communicating with their loved ones. Some reckon that Change preposition
apply
pros
of Correct article usage
the pros
such
new
approach are extremely helpful on a daily basis. Others claim Correct article usage
a new
opposite
. It is disagreed that the advantages of using social Correct article usage
the opposite
media
every day outweigh the disadvantages. This
essay will shed some light on the issue and provide several examples to support the thesis.
To begin
with, the lack of real-life communication with individuals' friends and family can be detrimental to their mental health. For instance
, according to
a study conducted at the University of North Carolina, people who prefer social media
, such
as Facebook or Instagram, to be in touch with their relatives suffer depression twenty-five per cent more often compared to the control group of people with different habits. Thus
, if a person wants to feel better in terms of mental conditions, it is a good idea to spend more time with their loved ones offline.
In addition
, modern social media
recommendation mechanisms are honed to display viral and emotional content to the viewers. According to
the U.S. government data, obtained after several investigations against the Big Tech companies, recommendation algorithms prefer more violent and unpleasant content since it increases the probability of 'commercial clicks' and helps social media
to
generate more traffic. So, social Verb problem
apply
media
platforms are not always good friends if the average person wants to be updated.
To sum up
, It can be clearly seen that modern media
platforms could be not so
'angel' as they want to look. From my perspective, the drawbacks of using social Correct word choice
as
media
daily outweigh many advantages. It is recommended to find a happy medium between 'online' and 'offline' pastime
.Fix the agreement mistake
pastimes
Submitted by 8453525 on
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task achievement
Make sure your essay directly answers the question asked from the beginning, with a clear stance stated in the introduction. Your introduction seems to set up a discussion on both sides, but it's essential to state your position clearly right from the start.
coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence, consider using a wider range of linking words and transition phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This can help the reader follow your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
Expand and elaborate on your points. While you provide examples, further clarification or explanation could strengthen your argument. For instance, explain more about how real-life communication benefits mental health in contrast to online interactions.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your conclusion precisely summarizes your viewpoint and the reasons behind it, reinforcing your argument one last time for the reader. In your current essay, the conclusion is a bit generic and could benefit from specifying key points made in your discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.