At the present time, the population of some countries includes relatively large number of young adults, comparedd with the number of the older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the advantages?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young
adults
Use synonyms
compared with older
people
Use synonyms
. In recent years,
this
Linking Words
demographic trend has become a widely discussed issue in many parts of the world.
While
Linking Words
some
people
Use synonyms
believe that having more young
adults
Use synonyms
brings significant benefits, others argue that it may create serious challenges.
This
Linking Words
essay discusses the advantages and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
trend. On the one hand, there are several reasons why having a large young population is considered beneficial. One major reason is that young
adults
Use synonyms
form a strong workforce, which can significantly boost a country’s economy. When there are more working-age
people
Use synonyms
, productivity increases and businesses can expand more easily.
For example
Linking Words
, countries with a high proportion of young workers often experience rapid economic growth because there are enough employees to support different industries.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
leads to higher tax revenues and improved national development.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, opponents argue that
this
Linking Words
situation
also
Linking Words
has certain drawbacks. The most common concern is that if there are not enough job opportunities, high unemployment rates may occur.
This
Linking Words
can cause financial instability and social problems
such
Linking Words
as crime or poverty.
In addition
Linking Words
, governments may struggle to provide adequate education and healthcare facilities for a growing young population, making the situation even more challenging.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
issue cannot be ignored. In conclusion, having a larger number of young
adults
Use synonyms
than older
people
Use synonyms
has both advantages and disadvantages.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks
overall
Linking Words
, as a strong workforce can promote long-term economic growth if managed properly.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task answer: You discuss both sides and give your view. To improve, add more clear and real examples and stay close to the task.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' well. The essay has good order. Try to have one main idea in each paragraph and use linking words to join ideas.
structure
Clear structure with introduction, body and conclusion.
coherence
Good use of contrast words to show both sides.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: