IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The diagram below shows the life cycle of a salmon, from egg to adult fish.

The diagram below shows the life cycle of a salmon, from egg to adult fish.
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The given diagram demonstrates the phases of salmon's life span.
Overall
Linking Words
, in about a
10 year
Add a hyphen
10-year
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 period they become mature.
Also
Linking Words
, it is shown that they have main 3 stages, of development in their physic.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they turn into reeds from eggs and
then
Linking Words
 into fries which
has
Verb problem
are
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 3 to 8 centimeters
length
Change preposition
in length
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 in 5 to 6 months.
In
Change preposition
During
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this
Linking Words
 time, they live in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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calm upper rivers which have quick flows and live there for 4 years
approximately
Rephrase
apply
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.
Then
Linking Words
, they are shifted into smolts from fries which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 12 to 15 centimeters long.
Finally
Linking Words
, after they are ready to emerge in open seas, it takes 5 years for them to become adult which
has
Verb problem
is
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 70-76cm
length
Change preposition
in length
show examples
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Life cycle
  • Salmon
  • Spawn
  • Egg
  • Alevin
  • Fry
  • Parr
  • Smolt
  • Freshwater
  • Saltwater
  • Adaptation
  • Physiological changes
  • Habitat
  • Predators
  • Survival
  • Ecosystem
  • Migratory patterns
  • Reproductive cycle
  • Environmental factors
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