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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart shows the changes that took place in the different areas of crime in Newport city center from 2003-2012.

The chart shows the changes that took place in the different areas of crime in Newport city center from 2003-2012.
#changes #place #areas #crime #newport #city #center
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The given line chart illustrates three types of different crimes including
burglary
Use synonyms
, car theft and robbery
took
Correct pronoun usage
that took
show examples
place
Use synonyms
 between 2003-2012
as well as
Linking Words
 changes in the
crime
Use synonyms
 in the Newport city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
. The horizontal line describes
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
incidents
Use synonyms
 and
vertical
Add an article
the vertical
show examples
 line shows various years.
Overall
Linking Words
 ,
incidents
Use synonyms
 of
burglary
Use synonyms
 took
place
Use synonyms
 the most in 2003 and
at the end
Linking Words
 of 10 years it comes to second highest.
Burglary
Use synonyms
 and car theft
incidents
Use synonyms
 fluctuated the most compared to robbery.
To begin
Linking Words
 with , in the year 2003
burglary
Use synonyms
incidents
Use synonyms
 took
place
Use synonyms
 the most as less than 3500
incidents
Use synonyms
. Afterwards,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 crimes
rises
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 in
number
Use synonyms
 in 2004 and
then
Linking Words
 it dropped after that year to 2008 as only more than 1000
incidents
Use synonyms
.
Further
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of
burglary
Use synonyms
incidents
Use synonyms
 increased and decreased and in 2012 it came to less than 1500
incidents
Use synonyms
.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 , robbery is the least committed
crime
Use synonyms
 . In 2003, there were more than 500
incidents
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 the graph
rises
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 and dropped
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 500 to 1000
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
incidents
Use synonyms
 and
at the end
Linking Words
 of
Add an article
the decade
show examples
decade
Add a comma
decade,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
incidents
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 still
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as
2003
Change preposition
in 2003
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, car theft
crime
Use synonyms
 started
as
Change preposition
with
show examples
 less than 3000
incidents
Use synonyms
 and after fluctuating a lot
this
Linking Words
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
show examples
 became the highest committed
crime
Use synonyms
 in 2012 as more than 2500
incidents
Use synonyms
 took
place
Use synonyms
 .
Submitted by akshayashvi07 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words burglary, place, crime, number, incidents with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rises" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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