Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get new events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In the modern decades, using technology to access social
media
daily is a common activity which helps people
to connect with others and get the news
up-to-date. This
writer argues that the benefits of connecting with people
who live far away from their places and updating the local information outweigh the drawbacks of addiction
.
The most advantageous factor is the usage of social media
. It is able to support people
to communicate with each other not only in a local place but also
globalization
. Change preposition
in globalization
In other words
, communicating far distance plays a vital activity in the
human life which can help them share Correct article usage
apply
fascinated
things, Replace the word
fascinating
their
feelings and Correct word choice
and their
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
bond the relatives. Take studying overseas as an example, students who study in other places might feel depressed of
their studies so they use social Change preposition
about
media
to message other people
which can reduce the stress in their lives. Thus
, using social media
is the best way to support people
in bonding their
Change preposition
with their
relations
.
Another feature considered advantageous is supporting Replace the word
relationships
people
to get the news
to the state-of-the-art which is one of the necessary daily task
for Change to a plural noun
tasks
people
in every morning or their free times
. Fix the agreement mistake
time
Moreover
, accessing the internet where the news
could appear to illustrate the information around the world. For example
, Microsoft Edge is one of the popular software where the
information Correct article usage
apply
in
worldwide Change preposition
apply
demonstrate
Wrong verb form
is demonstrated
for
the reader. Change preposition
to
Hence
, getting the news
updated have
a crucial part in daily lifestyle.
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
By contrast
, using technologies
a lot could Fix the agreement mistake
technology
let
them Verb problem
cause
become
Fix the infinitive
to become
an
Correct word choice
addicted
addiction
. It is can be
known that Verb problem
apply
contacting
lots of time on Verb problem
spending
the
social Correct article usage
apply
media
software have highly
potential Wrong verb form
has a high
become
addicted. Not only that, the blue screen would influence Wrong verb form
to becoming
on
the vision of the user and they would Change preposition
apply
be
Verb problem
become
obesity
if they Replace the word
obese
stay
for Wrong verb form
stayed
long
time.
In conclusion, becoming Change the article
a long
an
Correct word choice
addicted
addiction
could be outweighed by the beneficial
of Replace the word
benefits
keep
in touch Change the verb form
keeping
others
and updating the Change preposition
with others
news
. However
, becoming addiction
is bad for our health but using social Replace the word
addicted
media
could help people
decrease the rate become depression.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Ensure a clearer and more specific introduction to directly address the prompt, stating whether the advantages outweigh disadvantages without ambiguity.
task response
Work on your paragraph structure, ensuring each one has a clear main idea supported by specific examples or explanations.
coherence and cohesion
To increase coherence, improve transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking phrases to show relationships between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Provide richer detail and more specific examples to substantiate your arguments. This makes your essay more convincing.
task response
Remember to address both advantages and disadvantages more evenly to fully answer the essay question.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example