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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now one big traffic jam. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governement take to discourage people from using theirs cars?

#car #ownership #thirty #years #cities #world #traffic #jam #measures #governement #people #cars
In the
last
 thirty
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 cars have been people's favourite way to move around, despite causing not few problems to the city traffic and global environment.
Firstly
, lots of vehicles in the streets cause traffic jams close
by
Change preposition
to
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 the most popular places around the city.
For example
,
in
Change preposition
apply
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the neighbourhood where I live in Rome, is located
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 biggest hospital in the entire country.
As a result
, all the patients come there by car,
provocating
Verb problem
causing
show examples
congestions
Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
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 in the area.
This
 issue could be solved by improving public transportation,
consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
show examples
 people won't rely on cars anymore.
Secondly
,
cars
Fix the agreement mistake
car
show examples
precence
Correct your spelling
presence
 leads to tons and tons of carbon dioxide emission.
Therefore
,
this
 provokes respiratory issues in residents.
According to
 the data, human lungs are not designed to
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
 all
this
 pollution
thus
 the most fragile part of the population,
such
 as
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 and children,
referes
Correct your spelling
refers
 to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
respiratory problems.  In conclusion, I believe that the increasing number of impediments cannot be denied and
governements
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 should provide a solution. 
For instance
, they could improve shared transport, preferring trains and electric vehicles so that the emissions are reduced. 
In addition
, pedestrian areas could be built close
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 historical places.
This
 measure could let us appreciate historical monuments without a car in sight.
Submitted by alessandro.talese on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points, as it helps in making your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs flow more smoothly by using a wider range of cohesive devices and linking phrases.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clearly present, providing a good frame for your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and provides relevant points and solutions regarding car ownership and its impacts.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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