Many people around the woeld use social media everyday to keep in touch with other peoples and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

In
this
day and age, social
media
is a common tool for
udapting
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adapting
updating
hot news and
stay
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staying
show examples
in touch with other people. Personally,
i
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I
show examples
think that the advantages greatly outweigh the disadvantages. Internet
platfoem
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platform
is being
wideneddue
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widened due
to the population.
According to
Meta, the owner of Facebook and Twitter, more than half of a million
acount
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accounts
account
are created each day,
this
number has been increasing
shaprly
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sharply
since 2013. It means that the virtual platform which
is includes
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includes
show examples
X, Facebook and other
application
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applications
show examples
is one of the most important communication devices. Social
media
is showing their convenience, plenty of users all over the world are using different
kind
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kinds
show examples
of internet
platform
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platforms
show examples
, so
that keep
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keeping
show examples
in touch with other people or ger news events is much
more
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apply
show examples
easier than in the past. Notwithstanding, there are some drawbacks of
this
method,
suce
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such
as the ignoration in daily life and the dangerous factor
which is
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that
show examples
cause
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causes
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some optical
issue
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issues
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due to
the
convenient
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convenience
show examples
of
the
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apply
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social
media
, humankind
are
Verb problem
has
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become immersed in
the
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apply
show examples
virtual life.
Beside
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Besides
show examples
that using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
for a long period of
times
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time
show examples
make
youre
Correct your spelling
your
eyes absorb
lot
Add an article
a lot
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of green
lighe
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light
, the main cause
lead
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leading
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to some impair related
to
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apply
show examples
visual
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visuals
show examples
.
To conclude
,
depsite
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despite
their
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there
show examples
are
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being
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some drawbacks related to
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
problems,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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considerable when
compare
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compared
show examples
to the pros. Social
media
is
also
a part of development, take utilise of
this
method
also
develop
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develops
show examples
our opportunities to reach the more modern world

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task achievement
Your introduction presents a clear stance on the topic, which is excellent. However, ensuring a stronger thesis statement that previews the reasons for your opinion could make your argument more impactful.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples or evidence. While you have mentioned the popularity of social media, integrating statistics, studies, or personal anecdotes could strengthen your argument's persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and sentences could be smoother. Using phrases like 'Furthermore', 'On the other hand', or 'In conclusion' can help guide your reader and enhance the flow of your essay.
general
Pay attention to spelling and grammar errors. Mistakes such as 'udapting', 'widedue', 'suce as', and 'youre' detract from the professionalism of your essay. Proofreading your essay or using tools to check your work can significantly improve readability.
task achievement
Your conclusion summarizes your viewpoint well, but expanding it to reflect on broader implications or suggest future developments related to your argument could make your conclusion more thought-provoking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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