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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programms ( for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children) to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Voluntary
work
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 is integral to learning, and,
therefore
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, it is becoming increasingly prevalent nowadays.
While
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 many people argue that sophomores should stick to their curriculum
instead
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 of participating in
charity
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work
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, which includes defying community issues and becoming children's sports educationists, I firmly am of the view that high schoolers should undertake
such
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programs
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 as these
toils
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 have a positive effect
overall
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. First and foremost,
charity
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programs
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 provide exposure to the real
work
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 platforms beforehand.
In other words
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,
such
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programs
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 train
students
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 in a way that prompts them to generate new ideas and hone various skills, which concurrently,
also
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 enhance their future career prospects.
For instance
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, several volunteer
toils
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 are cumbersome,
filled
Correct word choice
and filled
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 with hindrances and obstacles, which foster a sense of hard
work
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 in
students
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, integrating toughness to face problems in their future workplace.
Hence
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, volunteering for
charity
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toils
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 broadens the horizons of learning which benefits
students
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 at every phase of their lives substantially.
Furthermore
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, several
students
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, who intend to opt for similar
programs
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 in their upcoming jobs, can get the presumed experience. To elaborate on
this
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 point, many youngsters, captivated by the virtues of
charity
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work
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, tend to pursue the same pathways after graduation. Owing to their participation in
such
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toils
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, they can gain familiarity with the workplace, which can be harnessed in cultivating their professional persona.
For example
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, voluntarily working for these
programs
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 can provide high school
students
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 a tremendous insight into their future workplace, which encourages them to build their portfolios
accordingly
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.
Thus
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,
students
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 ,who are willing to carry out voluntary tasks later in life, benefit enormously from these curricular
programs
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. In conclusion, the subject of hardships is common in all professional fields, and
charity
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work
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 provides a peek at it. It is essential to include voluntary assessments in high school schedules,
nevertheless
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, the subject should be made optional so that the proportion of
students
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 ,intrigued by the subject ,can study it.

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task achievement
Consider beginning your essay with a clearer thesis statement that directly answers the prompt and previews your main points. This ensures the readers know what to expect right from the start.
coherence and cohesion
To further enhance coherence, use clearer transitions between different ideas and paragraphs. This will guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay is clear and well-supported, try to avoid repetitive phrases. For instance, instead of repetitively using 'charity work' or 'voluntary tasks,' use synonyms or rephrase your sentences to maintain engagement.
task achievement
Your essay effectively argues for the inclusion of unpaid community service in high school curriculums. The positive effects on students' future careers and personal growth are well-highlighted and supported.
coherence and cohesion
You have a well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each section addresses a specific point, contributing to overall coherence.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the hardships faced during volunteer work and their impact on future careers, are relevant and strengthen your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • unpaid
  • community service
  • high school programs
  • charity
  • improving
  • neighborhood
  • teaching
  • sports
  • younger children
  • values
  • skills
  • empathy
  • social responsibility
  • practical experience
  • real-world application
  • belonging
  • connection
  • career paths
  • interests
  • imposition
  • commitments
  • responsibilities
  • exploit
  • labor
  • abilities
  • suitable
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