Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the dis advantages?
Social
media
are being used every day to contact with
Change preposition
apply
people
in
around the world and keep track of new events. Change preposition
apply
This
writer believes that the advantages include keep
in touch with other Wrong verb form
keeping
people
and entertaining outweigh it
disadvantages Correct pronoun usage
its
is
leading to the laziness of Unnecessary verb
apply
it
users.
The main factor is that keeping in touch with other Correct pronoun usage
its
people
. In this
modern era, every people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
have
at least a smartphone or a laptop. Correct subject-verb agreement
has
Moreover
, the internet network is being used widely so people
can keep in touch with their family and friends by the way using social media
to make video calls or take messages. Taking
students who are studying in foreign countries as an example. A lot of students come from Asia Wrong verb form
Take
are
learning in Europe, because of the long distance Correct word choice
and are
so
they cannot visit their parents so they decide to make video calls on Messenger or Viber to their home.
Another benefit is that helping Correct word choice
apply
people
entertaining
after busy days. Nowadays, the amount of work that a person does every day is much bigger than it used to be. Most Wrong verb form
entertain
of
Change preposition
apply
people
have to work from the morning until the evening so they do not have enough time to relax or take care of themselves. Due to
it
, many individuals decide to use social Correct pronoun usage
this
media
like Facebook, Instagram and YouTube to entertain. While
using these platforms, people
also
learn a lot of useful knowledge and keep track of news information.
However
, using social media
also
have
some drawbacks. One of Correct subject-verb agreement
has
that
is leading to the laziness of Correct determiner usage
these
it
users. When Correct pronoun usage
its
people
spend a lot of time on these platforms, they might be addicted to it. This
problem will lead to the
addiction and addicts will stop working and Correct article usage
apply
they
just spend time on the Correct pronoun usage
apply
internet
.
Capitalize word
Internet
To conclude
, while
there are some cons but
Correct word choice
apply
this
writer believes that it pros include
contact with other Wrong verb form
including
people
and relax
their Wrong verb form
relaxing
mind
still outweigh it cons. To be smart users, Fix the agreement mistake
minds
people
have to use social network
effectively and bring benefits to Fix the agreement mistake
networks
social
.Replace the word
society
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Task Achievement
To improve your task achievement, ensure that you fully address the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages equally. While you have made an attempt, providing a more balanced view with equally developed paragraphs for each would strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Use a clear thesis statement in your introduction to explicitly state your opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This helps in providing a clear direction for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. Additionally, work on paragraph structure to ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your essay. Make sure each paragraph logically leads to the next, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be cautious of repetitive sentence structures and vocabulary. Try to vary your sentence types and use a wider range of vocabulary to improve the readability and sophistication of your essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?