IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the dis advantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Social
media
Use synonyms
 are being used every day to contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around the world and keep track of new events.
This
Linking Words
 writer believes that the advantages include
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 in touch with other
people
Use synonyms
 and entertaining outweigh
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 disadvantages
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
leading to the laziness of
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 users. The main factor is that keeping in touch with other
people
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, every
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 at least a smartphone or a laptop.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the internet network is being used widely so
people
Use synonyms
 can keep in touch with their family and friends by the way using social
media
Use synonyms
 to make video calls or take messages.
Taking
Wrong verb form
Take
show examples
 students who are studying in foreign countries as an example. A lot of students come from Asia
are
Correct word choice
and are
show examples
 learning in Europe, because of the long distance
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they cannot visit their parents so they decide to make video calls on Messenger or Viber to their home. Another benefit is that helping
people
Use synonyms
entertaining
Wrong verb form
entertain
show examples
 after busy days. Nowadays, the amount of work that a person does every day is much bigger than it used to be. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have to work from the morning until the evening so they do not have enough time to relax or take care of themselves.
Due to
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, many individuals decide to use social
media
Use synonyms
 like Facebook, Instagram and YouTube to entertain.
While
Linking Words
 using these platforms,
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 learn a lot of useful knowledge and keep track of news information.
However
Linking Words
, using social
media
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some drawbacks. One of
Linking Words
that
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 is leading to the laziness of
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 users. When
people
Use synonyms
 spend a lot of time on these platforms, they might be addicted to it.
This
Linking Words
 problem will lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
addiction and addicts will stop working and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
just spend time on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 there are some cons
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 writer believes that it pros
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 contact with other
people
Use synonyms
 and
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxing
show examples
 their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 still outweigh it cons. To be smart users,
people
Use synonyms
 have to use social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 effectively and bring benefits to
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve your task achievement, ensure that you fully address the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages equally. While you have made an attempt, providing a more balanced view with equally developed paragraphs for each would strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Use a clear thesis statement in your introduction to explicitly state your opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This helps in providing a clear direction for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. Additionally, work on paragraph structure to ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your essay. Make sure each paragraph logically leads to the next, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be cautious of repetitive sentence structures and vocabulary. Try to vary your sentence types and use a wider range of vocabulary to improve the readability and sophistication of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Effortless communication
  • Real-time interaction
  • Strengthen personal relationships
  • Foster new connections
  • Powerful tool for disseminating information
  • Stay updated
  • Educational resource
  • Access to learning materials
  • Risks to privacy and security
  • Personal data misuse
  • Data breaches
  • Identity theft
  • Propagate false information
  • Lack of regulation
  • Mental health impact
  • Maintain an online persona
  • Compare oneself to others
  • Detrimental
What to do next:
Look at other essays: