Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the dis advantages?

Social
media
are being used every day to contact
with
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apply
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people
in
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apply
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around the world and keep track of new events.
This
writer believes that the advantages include
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
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in touch with other
people
and entertaining outweigh
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
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disadvantages
is
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apply
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leading to the laziness of
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
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users. The main factor is that keeping in touch with other
people
. In
this
modern era, every
people
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person
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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at least a smartphone or a laptop.
Moreover
, the internet network is being used widely so
people
can keep in touch with their family and friends by the way using social
media
to make video calls or take messages.
Taking
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Take
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students who are studying in foreign countries as an example. A lot of students come from Asia
are
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and are
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learning in Europe, because of the long distance
so
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apply
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they cannot visit their parents so they decide to make video calls on Messenger or Viber to their home. Another benefit is that helping
people
entertaining
Wrong verb form
entertain
show examples
after busy days. Nowadays, the amount of work that a person does every day is much bigger than it used to be. Most
of
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apply
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people
have to work from the morning until the evening so they do not have enough time to relax or take care of themselves.
Due to
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
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, many individuals decide to use social
media
like Facebook, Instagram and YouTube to entertain.
While
using these platforms,
people
also
learn a lot of useful knowledge and keep track of news information.
However
, using social
media
also
have
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has
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some drawbacks. One of
that
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these
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is leading to the laziness of
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
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users. When
people
spend a lot of time on these platforms, they might be addicted to it.
This
problem will lead to
the
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apply
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addiction and addicts will stop working and
they
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apply
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just spend time on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
To conclude
,
while
there are some cons
but
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apply
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this
writer believes that it pros
include
Wrong verb form
including
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contact with other
people
and
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxing
show examples
their
mind
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minds
show examples
still outweigh it cons. To be smart users,
people
have to use social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
effectively and bring benefits to
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
.
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Task Achievement
To improve your task achievement, ensure that you fully address the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages equally. While you have made an attempt, providing a more balanced view with equally developed paragraphs for each would strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Use a clear thesis statement in your introduction to explicitly state your opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This helps in providing a clear direction for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. Additionally, work on paragraph structure to ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your essay. Make sure each paragraph logically leads to the next, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be cautious of repetitive sentence structures and vocabulary. Try to vary your sentence types and use a wider range of vocabulary to improve the readability and sophistication of your essay.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Effortless communication
  • Real-time interaction
  • Strengthen personal relationships
  • Foster new connections
  • Powerful tool for disseminating information
  • Stay updated
  • Educational resource
  • Access to learning materials
  • Risks to privacy and security
  • Personal data misuse
  • Data breaches
  • Identity theft
  • Propagate false information
  • Lack of regulation
  • Mental health impact
  • Maintain an online persona
  • Compare oneself to others
  • Detrimental
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