IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The graph shows the change in average salaries across various spheres of employment in the US over a period of 40 years.

The graph shows the change in average salaries across various spheres of employment in the US over a period of 40 years.
#change #salaries #spheres #employment #period #years
The presented line graph depicts
infomation
Correct your spelling
information
 regarding the the wage of workers from several sectors
such
 as Engineering, IT and Professional
Sports
 over four decades (from 1970 to 2010). The given feature shows that IT has displayed the most prominent rise in
salaries
 over the whole period,
in contrast
, the
salaries
 in professional
sports
 have witnessed the sharpest decline than the other areas.
However
, the Engineering field remained constant throughout the given years.
Besides
 being the lowest amount from the other
salaries
,
Engineering
Correct article usage
the Engineering
show examples
 field has experienced a slight change from around 55.000 to 70.000 during the whole
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
, which led to its figure
remained
Wrong verb form
remaining
show examples
 the same. Despite facing a fluctuation
number
 over the whole period, Professional
Sports
 has the highest
number
than
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the other two sectors at 110.000 in 2010 and reached its peak of 145.000 in 2000.
However
, the
number
 dropped
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 a quarter to reach 110.000 afterwards.
In contrast
,
salaries
 in
Correct article usage
the IT
show examples
IT
Correct article usage
the IT
show examples
 sphere
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the most significant
number
 in salary increase from its lowest amount of 35.000 in 1970 to 100.000 in 2010,
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
led
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to the second position under
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Professional
Sports
. Interestingly, IT gained the same increasing
number
 with Professional
sports
Capitalize word
Sports
show examples
 of 20.000 in different years (Professional
Sports
 in 2000
while
 IT experienced it in the next
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
decade).
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, in contrast".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sports, salaries, number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: