Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment> IT would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports and games. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion.
Nowedays
, people live in a huge techno era, have changed Correct your spelling
Nowadays
children
's activities. Most children
have tendency
to play with Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
video
games
and brand-new technologies. Thus
, some parents believe they should do
more physical Verb problem
play
games
. I strongly agree with this
statement and I will provide my reasons in this
essay.
To begin
with, generally, childrens
who play Correct your spelling
children
video
games
sit on a chair for a long time. Furthermore
, they might avoid talking and connecting with others during their play time
, even may not eat anything, so they stay hungry. Correct your spelling
playtime
In addition
, some of them might not sleep during the nights
and play with Fix the agreement mistake
night
these kind
of entertainment. Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
As a result
, this
addictive habit can have some long-term effects on their body and their brain. For example
, decrease
of sight eyes, Add an article
a decrease
lack
of Correct article usage
a lack
vitamine
in the body, and dysfunction of memory perhaps be Correct your spelling
vitamins
side-effects
of playing IT Correct your spelling
side effects
games
. Therfore
, it would be better if parents preserve their Correct your spelling
Therefore
children
form
computers and Correct your spelling
from
video
games
.
Secondly
, physical activities like jogging, jumping, and touching items are may not an option for children
, but it is a necessity. Clearly, These physical moves can enhance and foster brains
of Correct article usage
the brains
children
, while
with AI games
they might not be able to do that. For example
, they just spend their time inside a room or in a close environment without any active present
in the outdoor places. Replace the word
presence
Moreover
, physical plays
in the natural environment can relieve their emotion and Fix the agreement mistake
play
stay
them calm, Verb problem
keep
while
electronic games
would
raise anxiety and rage in their personality. Verb problem
apply
For instance
, shooter games
might involve agressive
content. Correct your spelling
aggressive
Subsequently
, this
may not Add a missing verb
be approprite
approprite
for mental health and raise depression and Correct your spelling
appropriate
anxious
.
In conclusion, The trend of Replace the word
anxiety
interesting
in electronic Replace the word
interest
contents
is increased by Fix the agreement mistake
content
children
. There is a belief that suggest
Change the verb form
suggests
children
should be encouraged to do other activities in
Change preposition
apply
outdoor
. I think, Replace the word
outdoors
whereas
players of video
games
might not have the
healthy habits and Correct article usage
apply
this
is not acceptable for their body condition and can effect
Correct your spelling
affect
on
their psychological Change preposition
apply
mental
health, it would be better Correct word choice
and mental
children
Change preposition
for children
Fix the infinitive
to avoide
avoide
electronic Correct your spelling
avoid
entertainments
.Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
Submitted by mahdisonbolestan on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your ideas more clearly within paragraphs, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
For a stronger introduction and conclusion, present your thesis statement more clearly, summarizing your opinion and main arguments in both sections.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure you fully address all parts of the task. Your response should explicitly state your opinion and provide balanced coverage of your arguments, including clearer examples and explanations supporting your view.
task achievement
Enhance the specificity of your examples to strengthen your arguments. Generic statements could be replaced with more detailed and direct examples relating to the impacts of technology on children or the benefits of outdoor activities.
general
Check your essay for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for clarity. Correct usage of terms and accurate spelling will enhance the overall quality of your writing.