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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The graph below gives information about the sales of the three most commonly purchased items in a particular bakery for the year 2014.

The graph below gives information about the sales of the three most commonly purchased items in a particular bakery for the year 2014.
#information #sales #three #items #bakery #year
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The graph demonstrates the fluctuations
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 in a bakery during a year.
Overall
Linking Words
, it presents the data of changes in
sales
Use synonyms
 of the most main purchased items
consist
Wrong verb form
consisting
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 of bread, buns, and pies for the year 2014. The highest income is the
sales
Use synonyms
 of bread which started
in
Change preposition
at
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 80,000,000 $
on
Change preposition
in
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 January and after
the
Correct article usage
apply
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several significant reductions and
rising
Wrong verb form
rises
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 reached the same previous point
on
Change preposition
in
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 December.
Also
Linking Words
, it can be seen that there is a slight increase in
sales
Use synonyms
 of pies constantly from January to August, after the remaining 20,000,000 $ for three months, and it
finally
Linking Words
at the end
Linking Words
 of the year, with a dramatic growth finished in two times of January’s point.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is obvious that the pies
sales
Use synonyms
 grew
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
regularly for several months,
while
Linking Words
 in the
last
Linking Words
 five months, we witnessed a remarkable drop-off.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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