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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many museums charge for admissions while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admissions to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admissions #people
Nowadays,
museums
 are well-known for
people
 of all ages because there are many kinds of
museums
,
such
 as history and art.
While
 some argue that
museums
 are charging for
people
,  I will discuss some of the reasons why
museums
 are free and some of the challenges to be overcome. I will start by looking at the pros. One of the main positives of the charge for admission is that it is becoming increasingly popular. What I mean by
this
 is that you have the chance to learn anything about historical periods from different books and exhibits.
This
 can make it comfortable to get knowledge and money.  
Secondly
, charging admission can lead to a better quality of economy. Take the German
museums
,
for example
. Many
museums
 help governments.
This
 country's economy is growing day by day from
museums
.
In addition
, by charging Admission for
people
 is equality for
each-person
Correct your spelling
each person
show examples
.   Turning to the other side of the
museums
, that’s to say about free
museums
. Many
museums
 where invite a lot of
people
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 look
Change preposition
at exhibit
show examples
exhibit
Fix the agreement mistake
exhibits
show examples
 and art
gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
show examples
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 free situations.
This
 will make
people
 happy and comfortable.
However
,
this
 may seriously reduce the risk
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 and government.   Another issue is that it can be
children
. That’s to say
children
 will not be happy about expensive costs,
such
 as, it can dramatically affect
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 health.
This
 process is difficult and can lead to death.   All things considered, there are multiple benefits and drawbacks, and everything has its own peak. Yet, I have observed that
people
 and
children
 are more likely
enjoy
Fix the infinitive
to enjoy
show examples
 visiting without extra spending. So, to attract
people
 and
children
, cheap access becomes more perfect than the other.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly and ensure each paragraph links back to your thesis statement. Currently, your essay jumps from one point to another without fully exploring the implications of each argument.
task achievement
Include a definitive stance or opinion in the introduction and ensure your conclusion summarizes your main points and restates your opinion clearly. This will enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay by planning paragraphs around single main ideas, supported by specifics. This structure will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Work on sentence structure and punctuation to aid readability. Consider varying sentence length and complexity to create a more engaging and understandable essay.
task achievement
Revisit the topic question and ensure that all parts of the essay directly address the prompt. It's critical to stay focused on answering whether the advantages of charging for museum admission outweigh the disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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