Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world

There are groups of people who

thinks

Change the verb form

think

show examples

that it is a good thing to exchange findings and

information

Change preposition

from

show examples

scientific research, new business ideas and projects and

also

new study proposals to the world.

Whereas

, some assert that there is

also

some crucial

information

that can't be good to share with

public

Correct article usage

the public

show examples

. I Agree with

Correct article usage

the later

show examples

later

Correct your spelling

latter

show examples

viewpoint because some

information

Replace the word

too

show examples

important so

its

Replace the word

it's

it is

show examples

not a good idea to

shared

Change the form of the verb

show examples

openly

Correct pronoun usage

it openly

show examples

Firstly

, We live in

modern

Correct article usage

a modern

show examples

society and everyone is dependent on each other. So exchanging

information

is a very good idea to grow rapidly

also

Correct word choice

and also

show examples

more Effective. Sharing

information

about scientific research and analysis with each other

help

Change the verb form

helps

show examples

us to understand a problem and solve

this

together rather than just one company or country trying to do that difficult staff.

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Additionally

, Business

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

also

see

Correct subject-verb agreement

sees

show examples

some significant improvement after sharing your thoughts and analysis on some projects.

Along with

studies.

For instance

. If

Nasa

Correct your spelling

NASA

show examples

wanna

Verb problem

wants to

show examples

go to

mars

Capitalize word

Mars

show examples

its

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

so difficult to do by

himself

Correct pronoun usage

itself

show examples

its

Correct your spelling

it is

show examples

better to share

these

Change the determiner

this information

show examples

information

with others so both work on that and make it happen.

However

, there are

also

some people who believe that

information

is not going to

Wrong verb form

be shared

show examples

with each other

is good

Verb problem

apply

show examples

. Because there are several different things and

information

that are secrets and sharing

these

Change the determiner

this information

show examples

information

openly caused some critical

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

In addition

, every department has

there

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

own secrets and unique and special documents and

also

same with every country.

For example

. If the atomic bomb documents

released

Add a missing verb

are released

show examples

publicly it will become a serious threat

through out

Correct your spelling

throughout

show examples

the world . So, in conclusion,

Its

Correct your spelling

it is

show examples

important to exchange

information

and

researches

Correct subject-verb agreement

research

show examples

to help each other but

also

focus on not leaking something that will become a global problem.Through

this

technique

Add a comma

technique,

show examples

I believe

this

world becomes a good place to live

Submitted by mateentariq582 on Tue Mar 19 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve your Task Achievement score, ensure you provide a more complete response by fully discussing both views and giving a clearer personal opinion. You could improve by expanding on each viewpoint with more detailed analysis and by directly linking these discussions to your conclusion for a stronger argumentation.

Coherence & Cohesion

To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, try to structure your essay more logically by using clearer paragraph divisions and transitions. Begin with an introduction that outlines the essay, followed by separate paragraphs for each view, and then provide a clear conclusion. Use connecting words to better link ideas within and between paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

304 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

information sharing
scientific research
business
academic world
advancement of knowledge
progress
collaboration
cross-disciplinary research
open access
democratization of information
transparency
credibility
intellectual property
security concerns
commercial interests

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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Today, people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The older people who need empolyment have to compete with younger ones. What problems can this create? What are some solutions?

More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation, Describe some of the problems over reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

According to most doctors, adults need thirty minutes of physical activity at least five days a week to be healthy. However, most adults do not get this recommended amount of exercise. What can be done to help people get the exercise they need? Give examples to support your answer.