IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Studies show that crime rates are lower among those with educational degrees. Therefore, the best wat to reduce the crime rate is education. To extent do you agree or disagree?

#studies #show #crime #rates #degrees #wat #rate #education
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Some research shows that people with high degrees have lower
crime
 rates, and it is suggested that education will help decrease the number of crimes.I disagree that education alone
help
Change the verb form
helps
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 reduce lawlessness, I believe there are other factors that affect
crime
 rate like neighbourhood safety,income and the role models in each social class that help keep the population away from committing crimes as a way of living.In
this
 essay, I will discuss from my point of view in
this
 matter.
Crime
 in general is infested in impoverished areas, where there are lack of opportunities which affects the youth's path to life.
For example
, in
a poor areas
Correct the article-noun agreement
poor areas
a poor area
show examples
, unemployment is high, and if there is any job it would be a
minimal wage
Add a hyphen
minimal-wage
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 job that can bearly help them to have a decent life. and
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 some youth fall for
crime
 and selling drugs to make a living, because it is profitable.
On the other hand
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crime
 is the lack of role models for the youth in poorer neighbourhoods, the people who there see make a high income in their district are usually gang members and drug dealers.
For Instance
, poor teens and adults try to mimic rich criminals who are seen in these places as
a role models
Correct the article-noun agreement
a role model
role models
show examples
,for escaping poverty.
And
Correct word choice
Therefore
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therefore
, they join criminal organizations in
hope
Correct article usage
the hope
show examples
 of having the lavish lifestyle,they dream of. In conclusion, Education, without
doubt
Correct article usage
a doubt
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, is one of the important ways in the modern day to improve life and decrease lawlessness, but to decrease criminal numbers we need to improve the impoverished
neighbourhood
Fix the agreement mistake
neighbourhoods
show examples
 and give social help to people in need so they don't see
crime
 as the only way to save them from poverty.
Submitted by neamaabdo90 on

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Introduction clarity
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Logical Flow
Work on the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. Transition sentences can help guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.
Supporting Examples
Provide specific examples to support your main points. Examples make your arguments more convincing and give the reader a clearer understanding of your perspective.
Clarity and Conciseness
Consider revising for clarity and simplicity, avoiding overly complex sentence structures that may confuse the reader. Aim for clear, concise, and direct sentences to effectively convey your message.
Tone
Maintain a formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid using colloquial expressions or slang, and ensure that your writing is appropriately formal for an academic or professional setting.
Task Response
Stay focused on responding completely to the task. Ensure your essay addresses all parts of the prompt, clearly articulates your position, and provides appropriate reasoning and evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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