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Band 2

Nowadays, some buildings such as offices and schools have open space designs instead of separate rooms. Why is it so? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#buildings #offices #schools #space #designs #rooms #development
An increasing number of buildings have open-space designs
instead
 of separate rooms. In my opinion,
this
 is a negative development which can lead to a lack of privacy, the easy spread of illness, and problems with constant noise. One serious problem that can arise from
open
Correct article usage
the open
show examples
 space design of buildings is that it makes people feel
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of privacy. In open Spaces, an employee's work screen may be seen by the next desk, and even when he or she goes to the bathroom, others will notice.
This
 kind of non-privacy
environment
 sometimes
also
 produces pressure, people
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of visual privacy in the
environment
 is easy to produce excessive exposure discomfort. Another issue is that
open
Correct article usage
an open
show examples
office
is
Verb problem
makes it
show examples
 easy to spread
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
illness. Open offices bring
employees
 closer together and make the
office
environment
 denser, which can increase the spread of bacteria and increase the risk of
employees
 contracting infectious diseases.
Due to
 environmental factors,
employees
 working in open
office
 environments may have a weakened immune system
due to
 increased stress, which makes
employees
 more prone to headaches and respiratory
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Finally
, work
at
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 open
office
environment
 causes constant noise which lowers staff performance.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task response
Introduce both the idea of the reason for the prevalence of open-plan designs and your opinion on it more clearly in the introduction. This sets the stage for your reader to understand what they will be reading about.
task response
Develop a more balanced argument by discussing potential positives of open-plan designs alongside the negatives. This adds depth to your analysis and shows a thorough examination of the topic.
task response
Include a conclusion that summarises your arguments and firmly states your position. A conclusion helps to round off the essay and leaves the reader with a clear understanding of your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Use paragraphs to separate your ideas clearly. Each paragraph should introduce a new main idea, supported by examples or further explanation. This will improve the logical flow and make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas together more effectively using a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, as a result). This will help to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay presents relevant examples, try to integrate them more seamlessly into your argument. Make sure each example directly supports the point you're making, and clearly explain how it does so. This will strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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