Some people believe that time spent on television and computer games can valuable for children. Other believe this has negative impact on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It
has been a long debate over whether spending time with technical Correct pronoun usage
There
tools
such
as computer games
and television for children
is suitable or not. I completely disagree with wasting time unless there are reasonable reasons. This
essay will explore these issues from two perspectives as concisely as possible.
First of all, advocates of using tools
in modern times contend that these phenomena are totally natural as we develop our technical science. In addition
, they believe that children
have a more active need to adapt to using these tools
. For example
, children
can be taught computing skills by playing games
and watching television.
However
, opponents of this
perspective think that these activities would not be suitable for young children
. They seriously think that before learning these exciting games
, young people have to learn intercommunication skills as much as possible. In addition
, humans have to communicate with each other. In another recent survey, it was shown that overusing digital gadgets is more likely to be associated with an aggressive attitude and disobeying orders from parents. Hence
, it has a negative impact on developing children
's ability to act decently.
In conclusion, from my perspective, I strongly believe that overusing television and computer games
would be harmful for children
. Hence
, parents should have a standard for using technical tools
.Submitted by enoklee on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, to enhance your score, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and within them. Use linking words effectively to demonstrate the relationships between ideas.
task achievement
You have discussed both views and provided your opinion, which is essential for the task. To improve, ensure that your opinion is stated clearly early in the essay, and then reinforced and elaborated upon in the conclusion. Be specific in your arguments, providing more detailed examples and explanations.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite