IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Studies show that criminals get low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce the crime is educating people in prison so they can get a job after leaving prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#studies #show #criminals #level #education #people #crime #prison #job
According to
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of studies, one of the factors that
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
 to increased crime rate is
illetracy
Correct your spelling
illiteracy
. There
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been debates among the individuals in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 whether it will be beneficial to educate inmates
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
 for them to gain employment after finishing their sentences. I believe it is
signifcant
Correct your spelling
significant
 for convicts to gain
education
 on various levels to tackle
this
 social issue.
Following
this
 paragraph, in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will be emphasizing the importance of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
.
Firstly
, by gaining
rudimentary
Correct article usage
a rudimentary
show examples
education
 inmates are learning and finding a career;
this
 will help them to reintegrate back into the community.
Criminal
Correct article usage
The criminal
show examples
 rate is in
steep
Correct article usage
a steep
show examples
 trajectory as people are not suffering from financial
constrants
Correct your spelling
constraints
 and making informed decisions about their lives. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance,
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of individuals are resorting to violence and theft as a
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
. to survive in
this
 demanding economy.
Secondly
,
this
willl
Correct your spelling
will
 empower them to take responsibility for their lives. Based on
signifacant
Correct your spelling
significant
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 it suggests that there is a
corelation
Correct your spelling
correlation
 between increased social issues and
crime
Correct word choice
high crime
show examples
 rates being high.
Education
 is key to
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 them aware of the issues and
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 a valuable member of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Finally
,
this
 essay encapsulated
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 arguments on the need for
education
 to overcome the high crime rate. It is
substancial
Correct your spelling
important
 for everyone to get
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
education
 of various levels
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
 for a sustainable and stable community.
Submitted by ameerahdidi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide a clearer introduction with a direct statement on your stance. It helps to immediately establish your point of view and engage the reader.
coherence & cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introductory paragraph, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This structure is expected in IELTS essays and helps with readability and coherence.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific, relevant examples. While you've touched upon the importance of education for inmates, including detailed examples or citing studies would strengthen your argument.
coherence & cohesion
Work on spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors to improve clarity. For example, it's "illiteracy", not "illetracy", and "significant", not "signifcant". Correct use of vocabulary and grammar is crucial in achieving a higher band score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: