IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the best way to sovle world's environmental problem is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

The cost of
vehicles
Use synonyms
 is a hotly debated topic that often divides opinion.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that maximising the
fuel
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 cost is the best way to save money, others think there are
also
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 other solutions. I think that, despite the convenience it brings,
people
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 should not raise the cost of
fuel
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vehicles
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 too much.
On the other hand
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,it cannot be denied that the going up of
fuel
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 costs can help
people
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 save
fuel
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 and avoid travelling by means of transportation in an innocent way.
Instead
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 of
fuel
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 cars or motorbikes,
people
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 can use other environmentally-friendly
vehicles
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such
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 as buses or bikes.
This
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also
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 helps their health and improves their mental lives. On the one hand, raising the money for some
vehicles
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 causes many disadvantages.
Firstly
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, it hinders movement, especially in business. To explain, in the modern era, trade between countries plays a pivotal role in boosting a country's development. If there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not enough amount of gasoline or gallons of gasoline are too much to buy, it brings huge damage to the market because of the
difficult
Replace the word
difficulty
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travel
Change preposition
of travel
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.
Secondly
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, it destabilizes world prices and leads to inflation because entrepreneur
also
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 can find a variety of ways to achieve their goals. We
also
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 have many other solutions
such
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 as raising the awareness of
people
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 about protecting the environment or organising some fairs to convey the message to young
people
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.
In addition
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, encouraging
people
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 to use public transportation is
also
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 a good way to save costs. In conclusion,
although
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 providing certain conveniences, it has to be done carefully since currently, it still does more harm than good. We should immediately solve
this
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 problem.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your stance on the issue. Make sure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your opinion and the reasons behind it. This will improve the coherence of your essay by providing a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing and improve the essay's task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the logical flow of your essay. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs and within paragraphs. This will enhance the essay's readability and logical structure, contributing to a higher score in coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your main points more thoroughly. Avoid vague statements by providing detailed explanations of your opinions. This will make your essay clearer and more comprehensive, increasing its score in task achievement.
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