IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that women are generally more peaceful than men as their character are naturally more nurting than aggressive. To what extent do you agree with this.

#people #women #men #character
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There is an ongoing debate regarding men and women . A lot of individuals believe that
females
 are peaceful compared to
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they are more caring and
nurting
Correct your spelling
nurturing
nursing
 rather than being aggressive. If questioned ,I agree with
this
 view to a large extent. My position is
further
elaborate
Change the form of the verb
elaborated
show examples
 in the upcoming paragraphs with valid examples and
explainations
Correct your spelling
explanations
.
To begin
 with, numerous folks believe that women are more
nurting
Correct your spelling
nurturing
nursing
 as they have to take
care
 of
children
 and
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
,
for instance
, among both genders ,
females
 tend to
care
 the most for their family as they take
care
 of all people ranging from
children
 to old people. They cook delicious food ,
ae
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 well as tend to all of their need ,
due to
 their caring
nature
 . They don't become exhausted from their
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
 daily chores and always provide their help to their
families
.
Further
,
females
 have soft
heart
Fix the agreement mistake
hearts
show examples
 compared to males .
For example
 , if a child
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 any kind of mistake ,
then
 their father will become angry and discipline them by using harsh methods
such
 as
by
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apply
show examples
speaking
Change preposition
to then
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 in a harsh voice and even
beat
Wrong verb form
beating
show examples
 them ,
whereas
 a mother will always teach them not to do that mistake again very politely and in a calm manner .
Hence
 , in these
ways
Add a comma
ways,
show examples
 a female is less aggressive compared to a male .
However
, numerous individuals oppose
this
 viewpoint. They think that even men can have a caring
nature
. To give
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 example,
according to
 a survey
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families
 in which there is only a father,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do all sorts of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 including house chores, making meals
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 doing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 for their
children
.
Hence
 , in
this
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 men can
also
care
 for their
families
.
To sum up
 , I highly agree with
this
 view , but some people oppose it
also
 .
Due to
 having a caring
nature
, women always take
care
 of their
children
 and
families
 and
also
has
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have
show examples
 a soft heart and they teach their
children
 very politely.
Therefore
,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
I agree with the view of
females
 having
Correct article usage
a nurting
show examples
nurting
Correct your spelling
nurturing
nursing
nature
 rather than being
aggressive
Rephrase
as aggressive
show examples
 as males to a large extent.
Submitted by akshayashvi07 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay is well-organized. Use clear paragraphs and transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion must clearly state your viewpoint and summarize the main reasons supporting your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should focus on a single main point. Use specific examples and explanations to support your views.
task achievement
Fully address the task by ensuring you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree and provide clear explanations to support your position.
task achievement
Enhance clarity by breaking down complex ideas into more comprehensible pieces and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to your overall argument.
task achievement
Incorporate specific, real-world examples to substantiate your arguments. These examples should directly relate to the points you're making and be detailed enough to add credibility to your assertions.
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