Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #technology #people #work #workplace #mobility

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In the modern era, many

people

believe that technological development has many benefits because it makes us

work

outside the office.

However

, opinions are divided over whether the merits of information technology supersede the demerits. Personally, I believe that working outside their workplace increases

work

efficiency. There are clearly a few demerits of working anywhere they want. For business

purpose

Fix the agreement mistake

purposes

show examples

, the most notable one is that they can not make a close rapport with their co-workers. Because they do not communicate frequently about their daily lives and they can not spend time often after leaving the office.

Due to

this

reason, some

people

feel disconnected from them.

Moreover

, sometimes glitches can happen

such

as unstable internet connections and software problems.

For

this

reason, the video conferencing can not flow well.

Furthermore

, if they do vocational training for their colleagues online, it does not convey their meaning exactly. In spite of the above-mentioned views, some

people

assert that business efficiency is improved. Because they do not spend their time on the street commuting

this

problem reduces

people

's mental and physical pain and reduces costs in money.

As a result

, they can concentrate more on their tasks. A closer examination reveals that some jobs

such

as video editors, software developers, etc do not have to

work

at the office because they just only need their devices

such

as laptops.

Last

but not least,

people

have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

flexible working

hour

Fix the agreement mistake

hours

show examples

so their

work

satisfaction increases. Considering the above views,

it is clear that

, though there are some negative aspects to their works, the merits will continue to outweigh the demerits.

Submitted by wowoo04066 on Wed Mar 20 2024

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Introduction and Conclusion

Your essay provides a good introduction and conclusion, aligning well with IELTS expectations. Consider creating a stronger link between them by summarizing key arguments more explicitly in the conclusion.

Task Achievement

While you have clearly presented arguments for both sides, your essay could be improved by offering more varied and specific examples to support your points. Doing so would make your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay could benefit from better paragraph management. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and ensure that subsequent sentences support that topic directly. This makes your argumentation clearer and more compelling.

Logical Structure

To improve logical structure, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., however, moreover, in contrast) more effectively to link your ideas and arguments across the essay. This will enhance its readability and coherence.

Supported Main Points

Try to deepen the analysis of each point. Instead of just listing the advantages and disadvantages, explore the implications and significance of these points in more detail. This depth will enhance your essay's persuasive power.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

267 words

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Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. Discuss this view and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, many small local 8 shops have closed because band customers travel to large shopping centre or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.