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Band 3.5

The picture illustrates the manufacturing process of a construction material called bricks.

#picture #process #construction #bricks
Overall
,
this
process
 consists of 3 key steps, starting with raw materials preparation, followed by handling these materials
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and concluding with transportation to consumers. It is
also
 reported that
this
 is a linear
process
.
To begin
 the
process
, workers use a big digger to exploit clay from underground. The soils are exhumed and put on a metal grid and they are transported by roller to the next step. Here, these materials are mixed with sand and water before being put into either a wire cutter or a mould to shape the bricks. In the second stage, employees dry the formed bricks in a drying oven for about 24-28 hours. After that, these bricks are burned in a
moderate temperature
Add a hyphen
moderate-temperature
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 kiln around 200ºC-980ºC and next
with
Change preposition
in
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 a
high temperature
Add a hyphen
high-temperature
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 kiln around 870ºC-1300ºC before workers move them to a cooling chamber for 48-72 hours. The
process
 concludes with the products being packaged into a cube
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
loaded into a truck and delivered to customers.
Submitted by nttung.182 on

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Task Achievement
For a higher score in Task Achievement, ensure that you cover all key aspects of the process in detail. While the description is generally comprehensive, depth in explaining the significance or mechanism of each step could further enhance the response.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve Coherence and Cohesion, consider varying your sentence structures and employing a broader range of linking words to demonstrate a more sophisticated control of the language. This would elevate the logical flow and structure of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, make sure to clearly separate paragraphs and to use topic sentences that give the reader a clear idea of what the paragraph will cover, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhancing the introduction and conclusion to provide a more holistic overview of the process at the start and a succinct summary at the end can help score higher in the Introduction and Conclusion criterion.
Task Achievement
To further strengthen Task Achievement, make sure to introduce each process step with clear and precise information, and where possible, include examples or details that highlight its importance or uniqueness in the manufacturing process.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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