Many people around the world use social media everday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantage?

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The majority of
people
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all
aver
Correct your spelling
over
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the
world
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use
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social networking sites day to day
hold
Fix the infinitive
to hold
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contact details with another and
acess
Correct your spelling
access
news
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informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
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.
This
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writer argues that the benefits of connecting and maintaining relationships and
to avoid
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avoiding
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dated
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dating
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outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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of
addicted
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being addicted
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to
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Firstly
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, using social
media
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will have many
benefit
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benefits
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like
make
Verb problem
gaining
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a lot of knowledge of
information
Add an article
the information
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in over the
world
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can
understand
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understanding
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and
catch
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catching
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up
a
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on a
show examples
lot of trends or events in the
world
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.
For example
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,
Correct article usage
the chairman
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chairman
Correct article usage
the chairman
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can persuade all staff and control
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apply
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by
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apply
show examples
social
media
Use synonyms
or he can talk to them
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about some
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some
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about some
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of
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the news
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news
Correct article usage
the news
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events of his company.
Furthermore
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, now have a lot of financial
benefit
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benefits
show examples
so most
of
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apply
show examples
people
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use
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it for shopping online or
find
Fix the infinitive
to find
show examples
some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work with
high
Correct article usage
a high
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salary
in
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on
show examples
other websites.
Secondly
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, for
education
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education,
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students can
use
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social
media
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
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study online at home, do not go out if they can not or they must at home.
Moreover
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, some
of
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apply
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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can
use
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that for chatting with
friend
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friends
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or
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxing
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by
Change preposition
with
show examples
some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
games
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the internet.
For example
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,
Add an article
the student
a student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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must study online when
covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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appear
Correct subject-verb agreement
appears
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in over the
world
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or
for
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to
show examples
relax, after 1 week to study hard,
at
Correct word choice
and at
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weekend
Correct article usage
the weekend
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students can play more games.
Nonetheless
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, using social networking sites helps catch up on more
news
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occasions around the
world
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. the public can trend to their celebrities or new fashion. nowadays, most
people
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read the
news
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on the Internet so clever machines are more and more important and convenient in social life.
To sum up
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, the convenience of the social network
about
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for
show examples
communication and connection is considered to outweigh its drawbacks.
Therefore
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,
people
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should
use
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social
media
Use synonyms
for proper and brilliant
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
to meet their
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure to have a clear introduction, body paragraphs focusing on distinct ideas, and a concise conclusion. Your essay currently has them, but improving the clarity would enhance the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words effectively to show the relationship between ideas. Currently, transitions between points could be smoother.
task achievement
Provide concrete examples to support your main ideas. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Address the task prompt directly and ensure to discuss both sides if required. Your essay focuses more on advantages, so balancing the discussion would improve the completeness of your response.
general
Avoid grammatical errors and use a range of vocabulary. This not only makes your essay clearer but also demonstrates your language proficiency. Revising your grammar and expanding your vocabulary will improve your score.
general
Work on structuring your sentences more clearly. At times, your ideas are hard to follow due to complex or incorrect sentence structures. Simplifying your sentences can help maintain clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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