IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Should parents be obliged to immunize their children against common childhood diseases? Or do individuals have the right to choose not to?

#parents #immunize #children #childhood #diseases #individuals #right
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In recent years, there has been debate about
immunization
 issues in society. Some
parents
 argue that they should be committed to immunising their
children
 to protect them
while
 others say inversely.
However
,
parents
 have the right to choose whether or not to vaccinate their
children
.
This
 essay will discuss both perspectives. On the one hand, the
vaccine
 for
children
 will increase the number of public health. It helps to prevent the spread of infection within the community, especially for
children
 who are vulnerable to getting sick.
For instance
, a child who has completed immunisation will avoid measles
while
this
 disease
spread
Wrong verb form
spreads
show examples
 fastest in young people. Afterwards, the strength of the child immune’s system will built by
vaccine
Add an article
the vaccine
a vaccine
show examples
. The
children
 will be healthier and avoid
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dangerous diseases that will impact their lives,
such
 as hepatitis, polio and many more.
For instance
, many
children
 are infected by the poliovirus which
is make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them paralysed because the
parents
 avoid polio immunisation.
On the other hand
,
this
immunization
 is not an obligation that must be completed by all
parents
 because they have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to choose whether to give a
vaccine
 or not to their
children
. Individuals have different
preference
Fix the agreement mistake
preferences
show examples
 about
immunization
 caused by their religious and philosophical beliefs. Many people reject the vaccination cause
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their beliefs recommend them to reject the
vaccine
. Afterwards,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
medical exemptions cause
parents
 to avoid
immunization
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
children
. Some
children
 may have medical conditions or
allergic
Add a missing verb
be allergic
show examples
 to vaccines which
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a reason why their
parents
 reject
immunization
. In conclusion,
parents
 should give their
children
 immunizations to increase the number of public health and
also
 the strength of a child immune’s system.
However
,
parents
also
 have the opportunity to reject immunizations caused of their background,
such
 as religious or philosophical beliefs and medical conditions or allergies to vaccines.
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task achievement
To improve the task response, ensure that your essay fully addresses the question, providing a clear stance throughout the essay. It's crucial to thoroughly develop your points with specific examples and explanations to effectively demonstrate your argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhancing your essay's coherence can be achieved by ensuring a smoother transition between ideas and paragraphs. Using a variety of linking words and phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments in a more connected and structured manner.
coherence cohesion
To bolster the cohesion of your essay, work on binding your ideas more tightly together. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by examples or explanations, and clearly connected back to your thesis statement or main argument. This makes your essay's purpose and direction clearer to the reader.
task achievement
Increasing the use of specific, relevant examples directly tied to your argument will strengthen your task achievement score. These examples serve to substantiate your claims and provide concrete support for your viewpoints, making your arguments more compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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