IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that traditional education is better than online education.To what extent do you agree or dissagree?

#people #education #dissagree
Nowadays, there
is
Change the verb form
are
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 many ways to have
education
Correct article usage
an education
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,
one
Correct word choice
and one
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 of them
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 online. some people believe that there is no better replacement for
traditional
Add an article
the traditional
a traditional
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 way of learning,
while
 others think the opposite is true. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 which comes from my
experience
Add a comma
experience,
show examples
 I prefer the traditional way of leering because it is more
affective
Correct your spelling
effective
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. In
this
 essay, I will discuss my point of view on
this
 matter in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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. Tradition learning by being in the class face to face with your teacher
are
Wrong verb form
has been
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 used for many centuries, and it has been working ever since, it
much
Add a missing verb
is much
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 easier for the
students
 to be focused on the class and don't get
distract
Change the verb form
distracted
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 easily,
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to studying online.
For example
, I
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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took some online
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
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 my university and it has been challenging for me to concentrate on the screen without
being distract
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being distracted
distracting
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.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 it could
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 the level of understanding of the subjects, and cause learning difficulty for many
students
.
However
, Online
leering
Correct your spelling
learning
show examples
 would be useful for individuals who aim to have higher
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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, but
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can not relocate to
university
Correct article usage
a university
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 city, for personal reasons.
For instance
, my friend
enroll
Wrong verb form
enrolled
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 to
Correct article usage
a master
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master
Change noun form
master's
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 degree online, because she working and can not quit her job to study at a university
whish
Correct your spelling
which
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 located
a broad
Correct your spelling
abroad
show examples
.
Therefore
,
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
via-online
Correct your spelling
online
show examples
 is helpful for
students
 who want to study anytime anyplace,
While
 having
Add an article
a
show examples
high level of dedication and discipline. In conclusion, despite the rise of online education, I believe that there is no better way
for learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
 than the traditional method, and it should stay as the main teaching style. Meanwhile offer online
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
optional for
students
.
Submitted by neamaabdo90 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each body paragraph should focus on a single main idea. Try to create more defined transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
In the introduction, clearly state your viewpoint on the topic and how you intend to support it. In the conclusion, summarize your main points and reiterate your stance, ensuring it clearly responds to the essay prompt.
general
Be cautious of spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'leering' should be 'learning', 'affect' should be 'effective'). Proofreading your work can significantly improve clarity and professionalism.
general
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. Real-life examples or statistics can greatly strengthen your case, making your essay more persuasive and engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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