IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #sports #facilities #train #athletes #development
There is a debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 countries that highly focus on their national
athletes
Change to a genitive case
athlete's
athletes'
show examples
 performances should invest money into the best
facilities
 and
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
, specifically for their national teams,
while
 there is none for normal
people
. In my point of view, I believe that it has a negative impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, as the government should support their
people
, regarding of their status, to do more physical activities.
This
 essay will cover
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both sides of the argument.
To begin
 with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical activities are fundamental in maintaining good health, so exercising is beneficial to all.
Hence
, it is an essential responsibility
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the authorities to support
people
 by creating sporting areas.
For instance
, a park can be used as a running
tracks
Fix the agreement mistake
track
show examples
,
bicycle
Correct word choice
or bicycle
show examples
lanes
Fix the agreement mistake
lane
show examples
. the
facilitie
Correct your spelling
facilities
facility
On the other hand
, the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 authorities need to build specialised
facilities
, as the professional athletes require special and more advanced
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 to practice.
For example
, in swimming, the standard swimming pool can be built with only 1.5 meters depth, but the pool for
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
show examples
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
 must be deeper,
for
Change preposition
than for
show examples
 other aquatic sports.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is unnecessary to open these specialised
facilities
 to public use and can cost in high maintenance expenditure, the
people
 should still have places to use for free. In conclusion, the public should have access to exercise
facilities
 for free.
Submitted by pimpisut.sata on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
To improve task response, ensure you fully develop both sides of the argument and provide a more nuanced personal opinion, supported by specific examples. A more balanced and detailed exploration of both views will enhance your score.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, focus on the flow of ideas throughout the essay. Your arguments should be more structured, with clear paragraph breaks and topic sentences. Additionally, linking words should be used effectively to connect ideas within and across paragraphs.
Language Proficiency
Avoid incomplete sentences and ensure your essay is thoroughly proofread to eliminate grammatical errors and unclear expressions. Substantiate your points with specific, relevant examples and ensure that all claims are fully developed and explained.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialised facilities
  • train top athletes
  • international sports
  • boost
  • reputation
  • attract
  • sporting events
  • access
  • general public
  • inequality
  • opportunities
  • overemphasis
  • elite sports
  • neglect
  • grassroots development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: