IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010.

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010.
#graphs #information #computer #ownership #percentage #population #level #education #years
The given two bar charts indicate information concerning device ownership as a ratio of
people
 from 2002 to 2010 and another picture indicates by grade of education in the years 2002 and 2010. Looking at the
overall
 perspective, it is readily apparent that
computer
 ownership gradually increased during the given period.
Moreover
, the
more high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 level the
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 the number of
computer
 ownership in both given years. A cursory glance at the data reveals that between 2002 and 2010, the number of
people
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 a
computer
 steadily increased by less than 60% to approximately 80%.
In addition
, another eye-catching trend is that the ratio of
people
didn't
Correct pronoun usage
who didn't
show examples
 have
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 school
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
 shows
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 difference in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2002 and 2010 accounting for about 15% and 40%, respectively.
However
,
difference
Add an article
a difference
the difference
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
computer
 possession count between 2002 and 2010 became narrow when their education level
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rose. So,
people
 who have a
postgrade
Correct your spelling
postgrad
postgraduate
post grade
 degree have over 10% difference.
Submitted by wowoo04066 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, computer with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "indicate" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend analysis
  • population demographics
  • educational attainment
  • disparities
  • technological advancement
  • digital divide
  • market penetration
  • socio-economic factors
  • predictive insights
  • statistical significance
  • longitudinal study
  • accessibility
  • affordability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: