Many people believe that family has the strongest influence on a child's development, while others believe that external factors such as televisions, friends and music play a big role. discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In the realm of a

child

Use synonyms

development

Add a comma

development,

show examples

many

stimulus

Change to a plural noun

stimuli

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play an integral role. Many individuals reckon that the bloodline is more

influencial

Correct your spelling

influential

as compared to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

outside

factors

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as friends, television etc. in shaping a kid.

While

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

opponents of

this

Linking Words

view are in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

favour of external

factors

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This

Linking Words

essay intends to analyse both views and explain why I am in favour of

former

Add an article

the former

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idea that family is more important in the development of a

child

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. To commence with, there are many scientific theories that every human being takes birth with the traits of his family. It is very common

that

Change preposition

for

show examples

the

parents

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who are very hodophile and intelligent, their children are

also

Linking Words

active and sociable as well.

However

Linking Words

according to

Linking Words

many surveys if the mother and father are alcoholics

than

Correct your spelling

then

show examples

their children use to perform more illegal activities.

Moreover

Linking Words

; in the Western countries divorce rates as compared to the Eastern countries are

Correct word choice

higher

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because the

parents

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

couples set examples for them to live separately and happily.

Thus

Linking Words

, they

also

Linking Words

follow the same pattern.

Besides

Linking Words

that, the kids have very tender minds and they can be easily swayed by their family members and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. They are impressionable. If

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the

parents

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notice a sudden change in the behaviour of their offspring which is offensive

then

Linking Words

it is surely swayed by different environmental

factors

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For example

Linking Words

; if a

child

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watches a daily soap in the Hindi language he will start speaking it and copy it, rather than it has not been spoken by his guardians. Apart from that, there is a lot of difference in the behaviour of the siblings who are brought up in the same family by

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

parents

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because of their friend circle and their teachers. On weighing up all the considerations, it can be assested that both internal

as well as

Linking Words

external environmental

factors

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play a pivotal role in shaping a

child

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but family plays a role which is more influential in shaping a kid.

bawanpreet070Wed Mar 20 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Work on creating a clearer, more logical structure for your essay. Use paragraphs to separate and emphasize different arguments and make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.

Coherence & Cohesion

A more impactful introduction and conclusion can help your essay stand out. Try to start with a hook that grabs the reader's attention and end with a conclusion that summarizes your main points and provides a final thought or call to action.

Coherence & Cohesion

Supporting your main points with more detailed examples and evidence can make your arguments more persuasive. Consider incorporating studies, statistics, or personal anecdotes where relevant.

Task Achievement

Ensure that your essay comprehensively addresses the task by covering all parts of the prompt in sufficient detail. Make sure to discuss both views and your own opinion fully.

Task Achievement

Work on clarity by simplifying complex sentences and ensuring that your ideas are conveyed as clearly as possible. This can involve breaking down complex ideas into simpler, more digestible parts.

Task Achievement

Incorporate a wider range of relevant, specific examples to support your points. This could involve drawing from current affairs, historical events, or personal experiences, making sure they clearly support your argument.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

331 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

primary influence
models of behavior
instill
cultural norms
emotional support
mass media
perspectives
social skills
popular culture
sense of identity
healthy development
foundation
culmination
interactions

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Many people believe that family has the strongest influence on a child's development, while others believe that external factors such as televisions, friends and music play a big role. discuss both views and give your opinion.

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people say History is one of the most important scool subjects. Other people think that in todays world subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History.

Write a complaint letter to the owner of a TV channel, to complain about the steady decline in the quality of their TV programmes over the last decades.

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best way to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

More and more fathers are taking break from their careers so that they can stay home and take care of their children while their wives work. This is better for the family than having both parents work full time. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.