IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think mobile phones shoul be banned in public places such as libraries , shops and public transport, To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement

#people #phones #shoul #places #libraries #shops #transport
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Nowadays, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 are using mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 for various purposes
such
Linking Words
 as playing online games and making calls. It is often argued that the
use
Use synonyms
 of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 ought to be banned in public
places
Use synonyms
 namely shops, museums
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
studying
Replace the word
study
show examples
 areas and buses or metros. I firmly agree with banning mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 in public areas . First and foremost, the main reason for banning mobile devices in public
places
Use synonyms
 is that the
use
Use synonyms
mobile
Change preposition
of mobile
show examples
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 there can distract others .
Otherwise
Linking Words
, when a person
Use synonyms
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
mobile
Add an article
a mobile
the mobile
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 in public
places
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, it would
be attract
Change the verb form
attract
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to
use
Use synonyms
 it .
For example
Linking Words
, students at Istanbul University complained about students who
use
Use synonyms
 their electronic devices in
library
Correct article usage
the library
show examples
.
This
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 is because they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 focus on studying when others play online games or see
film
Fix the agreement mistake
films
show examples
 on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 in
university
Add an article
the university
a university
show examples
 library.
As a result
Linking Words
,
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
 banned mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 and computers in its library .
Secondly
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, another reason why mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 should be banned in public
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 is that
people
Use synonyms
 make very high
voice
Fix the agreement mistake
voices
show examples
 and loud when they make a
calling
Replace the word
call
show examples
by
Change preposition
to
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 others .
Therefore
Linking Words
 , other
people
Use synonyms
 were
given boring
Wrong verb form
bored
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the noise.
For example
Linking Words
, tourists were alerted
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
usine
Correct your spelling
using
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
their phone
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 when they
visit
Wrong verb form
visited
show examples
 traditional
places
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 in Turkey.
This
Linking Words
 is because
Turkish
Correct article usage
the Turkish
show examples
 government experienced of complaining high and annoying sounds.
As a result
Linking Words
, they
get
Verb problem
made
show examples
 a decision to ban mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 in museums. In conclusion, some argue that mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 should be banned in public areas. The reasons mentioned above
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
supports
Correct subject-verb agreement
support
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
banning electronic devices in public
places
Use synonyms
 is more logical
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
away from distracting and
giving
Verb problem
making people
show examples
 feel bored to society.
Submitted by ab.ciyani on

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Introduction Improvement
Develop a clearer and more comprehensive introduction. State your position on the issue clearly and succinctly to guide readers through your argument.
Conclusion Improvement
Enhance the conclusion by summarizing your main points more effectively and reiterating your stance. This ensures that your essay leaves a lasting impact on the reader.
Coherence Enhancement
Improve coherence by linking ideas more smoothly. Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between your ideas.
Evidence Strengthening
Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This strengthens your argument and makes it more persuasive.
Language Use
Ensure consistent and accurate use of language. Avoid repetitive structures and vary your sentence types for a more engaging and sophisticated essay.
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