the chart below shows global sale of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.

#sale #five #phone #brands

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The given bar graph indicates information concerning

all

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

over

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the world

sale

Fix the agreement mistake

sales

show examples

of the top 5 rank smartphone models(Samsung, Apple, Nokia, LG and ZTE) from 2009 and 2013. The data is measured by

unit

Fix the agreement mistake

units

show examples

sold

Use synonyms

millions

Change preposition

in millions

show examples

. Looking at the

overall

Linking Words

perspective, it is readily apparent that they have

big

Correct article usage

a big

show examples

diffrence

Correct your spelling

difference

Change preposition

show examples

the

brand

Fix the agreement mistake

brands

show examples

Samsung, Apple, Nokia,

Correct word choice

and LG

show examples

while

Linking Words

in contrast

Linking Words

, ZTE

sales

Use synonyms

volume shows similar during the given

all

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

period. A cursory glance at the data reveals that Samsung device's

sales

Use synonyms

amount sharply increased by nearly 200

Use synonyms

millions

Change to singular

million

show examples

to over 400

Use synonyms

millions

Change to singular

million

show examples

However

Linking Words

, Nokia's

sales

Use synonyms

gradually decreased in the year 2011.

After

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

period,

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

sales

Use synonyms

dramatically dropped by considerably more than 100

Use synonyms

millions

Change to singular

million

show examples

In addition

Linking Words

, another eye-catching feature is that ZTE's

sales

Use synonyms

volume level

was

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

maintains

the

Correct article usage

show examples

similar level.

Lastly

Linking Words

, a more detailed look at the graph

reveal

Change the verb form

reveals

show examples

that LG's

sales

Use synonyms

steadily decreased from approximately 100

Use synonyms

millions

Change to singular

million

show examples

to below 100

Use synonyms

millions

Change to singular

million

show examples

Submitted by wowoo04066 on Thu Mar 21 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words millions, sales with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

▼

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

152 words

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the chart below shows global sale of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.

The idea of going overseas for university study is an exciting prospect for many people. But while it may offer some advantages, it is probably better to stay home beause of the difficulties a student inevitably encounters living and studying in different culture.

The gap between rich and poor is growing. What problems does this create? What can be done to tackle this.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People learn things better from those at their own level—such as fellow students or co-workers—than from those at a higher level, such as teachers or supervisors. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Investor are not as important to society as doctors. To what extent do yo agree with this statement? Give reason and include any relevant example based on your own knowlegde.

In some countries fast food restaurants and supermakets give money to schools to promote their products. do you think this is a positive or negative development ?