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Band 6

the chart below shows global sale of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.

the chart below shows global sale of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.
#sale #five #phone #brands
The given bar graph indicates information concerning
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the world
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 of the top 5 rank smartphone models(Samsung, Apple, Nokia, LG and ZTE) from 2009 and 2013. The data is measured by
unit
Fix the agreement mistake
units
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 sold
millions
Change preposition
in millions
show examples
. Looking at the
overall
 perspective, it is readily apparent that they have
big
Correct article usage
a big
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diffrence
Correct your spelling
difference
on
Change preposition
in
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 the
brand
Fix the agreement mistake
brands
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 Samsung, Apple, Nokia,
LG
Correct word choice
and LG
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while
,
in contrast
, ZTE
sales
 volume shows similar during the given
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
period. A cursory glance at the data reveals that Samsung device's
sales
 amount sharply increased by nearly 200
millions
Change to singular
million
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 to over 400
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
However
, Nokia's
sales
 gradually decreased in the year 2011.
After
this
 period,
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
sales
 dramatically dropped by considerably more than 100
millions
Change to singular
million
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.
In addition
, another eye-catching feature is that ZTE's
sales
 volume level
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
maintains
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar level.
Lastly
, a more detailed look at the graph
reveal
Change the verb form
reveals
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 that LG's
sales
 steadily decreased from approximately 100
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 to below 100
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
Submitted by wowoo04066 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words millions, sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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