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Band 7

In some countries, a high proportion of crime is done by teenagers. Why is this? What can be done to solve this?

#countries #proportion #crime #teenagers
It is true that the rate of juvenile
crime
 is high in certain countries.
This
 writer believes that
this
 is because of poor parental upbringing and adverse financial situation,
while
this
 can be addressed by the provision of free
education
. Central to
this
 issue is bad parental
education
 causing juvenile
crime
.
This
 is primarily attributed to irresponsible
parents
 who are either overly lenient or unreasonably strict.
As a result
, children may be inclined to engage in rebellious behaviour or criminal activities as a means of expressing defiance against their
parents
.
For example
,
teenagers
 whose
parents
 do not care much about their moral
education
 will likely perform illegal actions. Another aspect worth considering is worse financial background. When a child's family is unable to provide for their basic needs, the child may feel compelled to seek alternative means of supporting themselves and their family. Combined with labour regulations, children who are underage and unable to meet the legal requirements for employment may resort to joining illegal groups or organizations to earn money to support their
parents
.
This
 can be easily seen in many countries where bank robbery or petty
crime
 by
teenagers
 wanting to help their families are the norm.
However
,
this
 can be solved by the government applying free
education
 schemes. These incentives should be targeted towards areas identified as breeding grounds for
crime
 to maximize their effectiveness. By
this
 method,
teenagers
 whose educational and financial backgrounds are bad will be able to acknowledge laws, legislations and alternative but legal ways to help their families with monetary burdens.
Therefore
,
crime
 by
teenagers
 will be committed less. Taking all points into account,
this
 phenomenon is believed to be rooted in worse upbringing by
parents
 and monetary background.
Hence
, governments applying no-fee
education
 programmes will be a viable solution.
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coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, consider revising your topic sentences so they clearly represent the main idea of each paragraph. This will help your reader follow your argument more easily.
task response
Develop your ideas further by providing more specific examples and elaborating on how free education can address the underlying causes of juvenile crime. This will strengthen your argument and provide a clearer picture of your solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which provides a good structure to the response.
task response
You have effectively identified poor parental upbringing and adverse financial situations as core reasons for juvenile crime, showing a logical approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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