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Band 7.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#art #classes #child #development #subjects #schools
In today's digital age, some
people
 believe that teaching
art
 like drawing and painting is as chief to the development of
children
 as other school subjects, so it should be taught like main subjects in high schools. It is the opinion of
this
 writer that
art
 should be taught like those subjects because
art
 helps
children
 become more intelligent, and creative and in the future they will perhaps have more job opportunities. It is vital to understand that artwork will assist
children
 with more creativity and increase
children
's intelligence levels.
Due to
 the trend of the majority of parents today that they
also
 want their
children
 will be creative
people
 for the reason that creative
people
 can solve problems in their own ways.
For example
, my classmate, his parents trained his brain by giving him
art
 classes when he was a child so now he can find the answers to all the hard questions by himself.
Therefore
, creativity is one of the most important soft skills for
children
 and
also
 adults. Another key component of the case for opportunities in the occupation of
children
 in the future might be easy if they know how to paint and do it competently. It should be said that employers from reputed companies want their employees to have high IQs.
For instance
, my uncle works in a famous foreign architectural company in Ho Chi Minh City and his salary is nearly 2000 dollars per month. It must
also
 be noted that if you can apply to a good company for your major, you will be successful now and in the whole of the rest of your life.
Thus
, it can be seen that creativity can cause
people
 a beautiful and successful life in the future.
Moreover
, creative
people
also
 receive much praise and admiration from other
people
.
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coherence cohesion
To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied transitional phrases to link ideas between paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more concrete examples and elaborate on them. This will strengthen your main points and make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
The introductory paragraph clearly states the writer's position on the topic, which provides a clear frame of reference for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains logical structure with well-organized paragraphs, each addressing a distinct aspect of the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhances
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • innovatively
  • curriculum
  • mental health
  • emotional expression
  • stress relief
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • creatively
  • cultural diversity
  • artistic traditions
  • compulsory
  • well-rounded education
  • academic performance
  • concentrate
  • attention to detail
  • persevere
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