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Band 5.5

There is a growing awareness among people today that life should be enjoyed in all possible ways while the traditionalists do not agree with this view. They think that there are much more to be done in life other than just enjoying. Discuss both the views and draw your own opinions.

#awareness #people #life #traditionalists
Nowadays, enjoyment of
life
 has been gaining popularity in society.
Though
Correct word choice
However
show examples
,
people
 who are more traditional have the opposite view. I believe
life
 is too short and time is passing so quickly so
people
 need to enjoy it as much as they can. Some individuals agree that human beings live once and in the end , everyone wants to have
unregrettable
Correct article usage
an unregrettable
show examples
life
 and
this
 is not achieved
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
by having more fun and fewer worries during
life
. Most elderlies have said their first and most important regret is caring a lot about unimportant issues and not having enough pleasure in their youth.
Furthermore
, the purpose of all efforts in
life
 from working hard to
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 welfare is to enjoy it.
People
 find jobs to make a fortune and provide facilities and amenities because they are willing to enjoy and feel peace.
However
, the ones who think more traditionally argue that
life
 is not just about enjoyment and everyone has a social responsibility to take.
People
 who care less about their surrounding environment are
self-centered
Change the spelling
self-centred
show examples
 and irresponsible. Helping other
people
 who are financially or physically disabled must be considered in everyone's
life
.
Additionally
,
life
 usually is not fulfilling and it comes with suffering. All kinds of obstacles
such
 as financial problems and diseases make it impossible to enjoy,
Therefore
; even if
people
 want to, they can not enjoy everything. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 disagree with the 'live in the moment' idea because of our responsibility as human beings and other
life
 issues, individuals still can be satisfied with the little pleasures in
life
 and live happily and motivated.
Submitted by m.tavasoli18 on

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task achievement
Expand on your examples by providing more detailed, specific scenarios that clearly demonstrate the point you are making. This will help strengthen your argument and provide a more comprehensive understanding of your views.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to improve the flow of your essay. This includes varying conjunctions, transitional phrases, and clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Strive for clarity in your writing by avoiding overly complex sentences that may detract from the coherence of your argument. Aim for simplicity and precision in language use.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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