Junk food advertising has a harmful effect on society and should be banned. To what extend do you agree or disagree.
Nowadays
people
are increasing the past
Correct word choice
apply
food
eat. It has a negative effect
on society
so people
must understand that it is a side
effect
and that should limited. I totally agree with this
and I will discuss it.
On the one hand, fastly these days people
are very busy and they are convenient to eat fast food
and they do not have to know about that knowledge
after there is a side
effect
. for instance
, a company of fast food
like pizza, burgers, Coca-Cola, etc. That is
an increasing number of people
who are convenient to easy for a busy lifestyle. I think the government must give advice to society
about how they control it and
. They should Correct word choice
apply
can
limited and they can banned Verb problem
be
due to
more and more side
effects of fast food
.
On the other hand
, secondly
, the government should give to
Change preposition
apply
knowledge
about society
. For example
,Like an advertising. Because people
are always watching TV they can take
Verb problem
gain
knowledge
about it. They should given to the program about eating fast food
what
is the Correct word choice
and what
side
effects. The main effect
is increasing nowadays society
majority of people
have noncommunicable diseases. Such
as cancer, diabetes, pressure, cholesterol, etc. Therefore
, always con remember society
fast food
is convenient to eat but there are more and more bad side
effects. This
is the way people
shout understand and they must be limited to the used
Replace the word
use
it
.
In conclusion, increasing the eating fast Change preposition
of it
food
number of people
and they should have knowledge
about how side
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
for
eating fast Change preposition
of
food
.therefore
, Government
should Correct article usage
the Government
bannded
to it Correct your spelling
banned
banded
they
can give to Correct word choice
so they
knowledge
for
Change preposition
apply
society
Change preposition
about health
health
Replace the word
healthy
food
benefits and limited
fast Replace the word
limit
food
.Submitted by ma.ushamanu1024 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on clearly organizing your essay into distinct paragraphs with a clear purpose: introduction, supporting paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
In the introduction, explicitly state your position regarding the topic. This helps readers understand your standpoint from the beginning.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using transition words and phrases between sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Task Achievement and Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with more relevant and specific examples or evidence. This strengthens your argument and makes it more convincing.
General
Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and syntax to enhance readability and professionalism of your essay. Consider revising phrases like 'Nowadays people are increasing the past food eat' for clarity.
Task Achievement
Expand and elaborate on your conclusion. Restate your thesis and briefly summarize your main points or arguments. This reinforces your position and provides a satisfying ending to your essay.
General
Carefully proofread your essay to avoid repetitive phrases and to ensure you accurately use terms and concepts. Accuracy in language contributes to the credibility of your argument.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!