IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Junk food advertising has a harmful effect on society and should be banned. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#junk #food #effect #society
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Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 are increasing the
past
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
food
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 eat. It has a negative
effect
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 on
society
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 so
people
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 must understand that it is a
side
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effect
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 and that should limited. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 and I will discuss it. On the one hand, fastly these days
people
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 are very busy and they are convenient to eat fast
food
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 and they do not have to know about that
knowledge
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 after there is a
side
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effect
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.
for instance
Linking Words
, a company of fast
food
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 like pizza, burgers, Coca-Cola, etc.
That is
Linking Words
 an increasing number of
people
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 who are convenient to easy for a busy lifestyle. I think the government must give advice to
society
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 about how they control it
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
. They should
can
Verb problem
be
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 limited and they can banned
due to
Linking Words
 more and more
side
Use synonyms
 effects of fast
food
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.
On the other hand
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,
secondly
Linking Words
, the government should give
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
knowledge
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 about
society
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.
For example
Linking Words
 ,Like an advertising. Because
people
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 are always watching TV they can
take
Verb problem
gain
show examples
knowledge
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 about it. They should given to the program about eating fast
food
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what
Correct word choice
and what
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 is the
side
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 effects. The main
effect
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 is increasing nowadays
society
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 majority of
people
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 have noncommunicable diseases.
Such
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 as cancer, diabetes, pressure, cholesterol, etc.
Therefore
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, always con remember
society
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 fast
food
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 is convenient to eat but there are more and more bad
side
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 effects.
This
Linking Words
 is the way
people
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 shout understand and they must be limited to the
used
Replace the word
use
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it
Change preposition
of it
show examples
. In conclusion, increasing the eating fast
food
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 number of
people
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 and they should have
knowledge
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 about how
side
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Use synonyms
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 eating fast
food
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.
therefore
Linking Words
,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 should
bannded
Correct your spelling
banned
banded
to it
they
Correct word choice
so they
show examples
 can give to
knowledge
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
Change preposition
about health
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 benefits and
limited
Replace the word
limit
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ma.ushamanu1024 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on clearly organizing your essay into distinct paragraphs with a clear purpose: introduction, supporting paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
In the introduction, explicitly state your position regarding the topic. This helps readers understand your standpoint from the beginning.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using transition words and phrases between sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Task Achievement and Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with more relevant and specific examples or evidence. This strengthens your argument and makes it more convincing.
General
Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and syntax to enhance readability and professionalism of your essay. Consider revising phrases like 'Nowadays people are increasing the past food eat' for clarity.
Task Achievement
Expand and elaborate on your conclusion. Restate your thesis and briefly summarize your main points or arguments. This reinforces your position and provides a satisfying ending to your essay.
General
Carefully proofread your essay to avoid repetitive phrases and to ensure you accurately use terms and concepts. Accuracy in language contributes to the credibility of your argument.
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