IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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In
this
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 modern world, it is common that
besides
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 earning profit, companies usually perform social duties. I am totally in agreement with that idea, and within the scope of
this
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 writing, many arguments will be discussed carefully to prove my stand. On the one hand,
during
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while
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 earning profit from a business, owners have to take care of employees and contribute taxes to the government. When they operate the company, there are some vital problems that need to be considered
such
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 as salary of employees, health care coverage, utility bills and office rentals.
As well as
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 there is
also
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 a good point that they should save a part of
budget
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the budget
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 to
backup
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back up
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 in case of emergency,
for example
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, the pandemic covid 19 can occur again in the future or other natural disasters.
On the other hand
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, there are various benefits of obligations including building up a reputation and preserving the environment. The first striking feature is that "taking and giving" is a good traditional
behavior
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behaviour
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 in many regions.
Moreover
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, most
of
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apply
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products or services earn money from the public so performing duties is
also
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 a good way to get attention from the crowd. There is no doubt that sharing a burden
local
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locally
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 by improving the surrounding environment has some significant advantages. Indeed, the company can create healthy spaces and comfortable zones which can lead to many experts
to come
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coming
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 and
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 there.
To sum up
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, from my perception, I absolutely agree with the concern that there is not only focusing on making money but it
also
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 ought to take
responsibilities
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responsibility
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 in a society of companies. It is
also
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 an opportunity to develop and expand their business quickly
due to
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 collecting reputation and building a fresh working space for
staffs
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staff
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.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and strong stance on the topic, effectively supporting your ideas with thoughtful arguments. To further strengthen your essay, strive to incorporate specific and diverse examples that substantiate your main points. This could involve citing studies, statistics, or real-world instances where businesses have successfully balanced profit-making with social responsibilities, adding depth and persuasiveness to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a logical flow, contributed to by an effective use of linking words and phrases. To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on varying your sentence structures and transitions more. This could involve alternating between complex and simple sentences or experimenting with different transitional expressions to smoothly guide the reader through your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
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