IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and comparisons where relevant.
#show #life #cycle #species #fish #salmon #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The diagrams give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the large fish called
Use synonyms
salmon
Add an article
the salmon
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 life cycle. There are 3 levels of
salmon
Use synonyms
’s life which
Verb problem
apply
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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small, medium and adult.
Overall
Linking Words
, a small
salmon
Use synonyms
 named
fry
Capitalize word
Fry
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 is 3-8cm ,
medium
Correct article usage
a medium
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salmon
Use synonyms
 named
smolt
Capitalize word
Smolt
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 is 12-15cm and
adult
Correct article usage
an adult
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salmon
Use synonyms
 is 70-76cm. Habitats of
this
Linking Words
 large fish changed as fish
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 the diagram ,
salmon
Use synonyms
eggs
Use synonyms
 are contained in small stones of a slow-moving upper river.
Eggs
Use synonyms
 are left there for approximately 5-6 months before grow to fry and these
eggs
Use synonyms
 are placed under the reeds. After 5-6 months
eggs
Use synonyms
 become fries , and
habitat
Correct article usage
the habitat
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change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
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 to
fast-flowing
Correct article usage
a fast-flowing
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 lower river. Fry lives there for approximately 4 years ,
then
Linking Words
 it grows and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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becomes smolt.
In addition
Linking Words
, smolts live in the open sea for 5 years,
then
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 adult
salmon
Use synonyms
 and they leave their
eggs
Use synonyms
 in
upper
Add an article
the upper
show examples
 river. It can be seen that how the life cycle of
salmon
Use synonyms
 continues
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, eggs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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