IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The diagram below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and comparisons where relevant.
#show #life #cycle #species #fish #salmon #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The diagrams give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the large fish called
salmon
Add an article
the salmon
show examples
 life cycle. There are 3 levels of
salmon
’s life which
Verb problem
apply
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
small, medium and adult.
Overall
, a small
salmon
 named
fry
Capitalize word
Fry
show examples
 is 3-8cm ,
medium
Correct article usage
a medium
show examples
salmon
 named
smolt
Capitalize word
Smolt
show examples
 is 12-15cm and
adult
Correct article usage
an adult
show examples
salmon
 is 70-76cm. Habitats of
this
 large fish changed as fish
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
.
According to
 the diagram ,
salmon
eggs
 are contained in small stones of a slow-moving upper river.
Eggs
 are left there for approximately 5-6 months before grow to fry and these
eggs
 are placed under the reeds. After 5-6 months
eggs
 become fries , and
habitat
Correct article usage
the habitat
show examples
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
 to
fast-flowing
Correct article usage
a fast-flowing
show examples
 lower river. Fry lives there for approximately 4 years ,
then
 it grows and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
becomes smolt.
In addition
, smolts live in the open sea for 5 years,
then
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 adult
salmon
 and they leave their
eggs
 in
upper
Add an article
the upper
show examples
 river. It can be seen that how the life cycle of
salmon
 continues
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, eggs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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