IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Doing
experimentation
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 on
animals
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 is a widely debated topic by humanity nowadays. Some people believe that it must be prohibited, meanwhile others think it has various benefits.
Experimentation
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 on
animals
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, rodents
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in
Add the comma(s)
, in
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 particular, is not limited to recent years. Indeed,
animals
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 have been used to evaluate different factors on living creatures for several years.
Although
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this
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 attitude may seem unetical , the aim of these
trials
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 for developing drugs or vaccines ,which decrease the probable side effects on humans, is reflecting their importance .
However
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, in recent years these kinds of research are overused rampantly for all kinds of products and the ethical aspects of these
trials
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 are omitted. Recently, there have been more people who have assumed these experiments bring us nothing but more violence in society. They claim that using
animals
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 for clinical
trials
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 should be generally restricted, and scientists have to exploit alternatives.
Although
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 there is no other way except
experimentation
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 on
animals
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 nowadays, technological progression may develop appropriate alternatives in the future.
Hence
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, all unnecessary
trials
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 on
animals
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,
cosmetic
Correct word choice
and cosmetic
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 products
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for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, should be outlawed, and
this
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 research method has to be limited to essential ones which might threaten human beings without them. In conclusion, we can't replace
experimentation
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 on
animals
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 as they play a vital role in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. More logically, we experience new diseases, and the only way to shield ourselves is to do
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experimentation
Replace the word
experiments
show examples
 on
animals
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.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure but could benefit from clearer transition phrases and more explicit connections between ideas. Consider using phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' and 'On the other hand,' to link sentences and paragraphs more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, and they provide a good framework for the essay. However, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the key points more effectively and reiterating your stance in a more compelling manner.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but the evidence and examples used could be more detailed and directly relevant. Try to include specific instances or studies that directly support your argument. This will make your essay more persuasive and impactful.
task achievement
You've addressed the topic, but the response could be more complete by exploring the issue from multiple perspectives more thoroughly and by providing a more balanced view. Consider the ethical, scientific, and societal implications in more depth.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear but expanding on them with more comprehensive explanations and connections between your points and the essay question would make your arguments stronger. Aim to fully develop each idea before moving on to the next.
task achievement
You've included some examples, but they tend to be general rather than specific. Bringing in more detailed and relevant examples from research, studies, or personal experience will make your essay more authoritative and convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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