IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think government should not spend money on supporting artists and money should be spend on more important things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #artists
It
is argue
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is argued
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 that states should spend money on other necessary things rather than helping artists.
This
 essay agrees with the statement because
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 most important things that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 needs to focus on
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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health
 services and
education
 awareness in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural schools.
Health
 services are the main concern because people are not getting enough support from the
health
center
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centre
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 in the case of emergencies .
In other words
, if someone
get
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gets
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 injured in the family and
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
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 to
emergency
Correct article usage
an emergency
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 hospital
then
 there would be a long
line up
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lineup
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 of
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 patients . There
is
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are
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 not enough hospitals available in the areas .
Therefore
 ,
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the governemnt
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governemnt
Correct your spelling
government
 should open more hospitals so that it would not strain on the
health
 services provider
as well as
 patients.
For example
 , most patients in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canada wait for
an hours
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hours
an hour
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 to check with
doctor
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a doctor
the doctor
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 and in
a
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the
show examples
mean time
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meantime
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,
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 condition of
patient
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patients
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 get
more
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apply
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worse . Another reason is that the
government
 should provide funds to the rural schools because better
education
 is the basic requirement of the
students
. In rural schools ,
government
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the government
show examples
 could help by giving
education
 to the
students
 through smartclass which is
alternative
Add an article
an alternative
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 way to convey
message
Add an article
a message
the message
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 to the
students
 and should provide enough resources like access to libraries
,
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and, internet
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 to improve their intellectual skills .
For example
 , most of the
students
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural areas in India are still
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
standing
 without using
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 and do not have access to basic
ameneties
Correct your spelling
amenities
. In conclusion ,
government
 bodies definitely
needs
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need
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 to support other important things
that
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 providing enough
health
 centers and better
education
 to individuals in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural areas.
Submitted by kmlchahal97 on

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coherence cohesion
Introduce a more structured approach to organizing paragraphs, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Develop a more engaging introduction and conclusion that better bookend your essay, presenting your thesis statement clearly at the beginning and summarizing key points at the end.
task achievement
Focus on fully answering the question by exploring both sides of the argument to some extent, even if you choose to agree or disagree strongly with the statement. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Utilize a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to articulate ideas more precisely and make your essay more engaging to read.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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