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Band 4.5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects thatwill be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #university #students #study #subjects #thatwill #future #science #technology
Some folks believe that all university students can choose and study what they want,
while
 others think that need to learn lessons that will come in handy in the
future
, just like science and technology. I think these 2 aspects hold good points of view. On the one hand, Individuals who
studies
Change the verb form
study
show examples
 whatever they like can learn the
subjects
 quickly,
feel
Correct word choice
and feel
show examples
 happiness and satisfaction. These can help them in the
future
doing
Change the verb form
to do
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 jobs happily without stress and work more
efficient
Change the word
efficiently
show examples
. But they might choose a job that will not be useful in the
future
. If it happens, they need to overcome enormous obstacles.
For example
: giving
appliance
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appliances
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers and
got
Wrong verb form
getting
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 rejected, employees
but
Correct word choice
who
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 a low salary and even do other
profession
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professional
show examples
 jobs other than
the
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their
show examples
 chosen profession.
On the other hand
, students who study
subjects
 that will be useful in the
future
 might not feel
happiness
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happy
show examples
 and
satisfactory
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satisfied
show examples
, and even get a feeling of boredom, stress and
sad
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sadness
show examples
, because they can be given
subjects
 that they hate. But, in the
future
, it can help individuals employed
into
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in
show examples
 a decent job with
magnificent
Correct article usage
a magnificent
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 working place and have a huge salary. These nice things all
comes
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come
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 with cost,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
leading to job unsatisfactory and doing things that they do not like.
Overall
, the two aspects
got
Verb problem
have
show examples
 big advantages and disadvantages. Only choosing one can lead to receiving
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
, but learning between 2 of the
subjects
 and balancing it can lead to bigger benefits and smaller drawbacks. In my opinion, All things cannot be undone, so restricting the individuals what they should learn must not be,
besides
this
,
teacher
Correct article usage
the teacher
show examples
 or school should
advice
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advise
show examples
 the students
what
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on what
show examples
 to learn
not
Add the particle
not to
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force
Correct pronoun usage
force them
show examples
, and listen to the children’s preferences
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
subjects
, so they can achieve most benefits.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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introduction
Provide a clearer, more detailed introduction that clearly states the main argument and previews the structure of the essay.
supporting examples
Use more specific examples to support your points. Abstract arguments are strengthened by concrete examples.
logical structure
Improve the organization of paragraphs by using topic sentences that clearly state the main point of each paragraph.
cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
conclusion
Work on developing a more substantial conclusion that summarizes the main points of your argument and restates your position in a compelling way.
paragraph development
Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single main idea. Avoid mixing different ideas in one paragraph.
grammar and punctuation
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to increase the accuracy and clarity of your writing. Frequent errors can distract from your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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