Some people think all university student should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.
Nowadays,
Change preposition
in as
as
century of high Correct your spelling
a
technology
there is controversial
debate between Individuals who agree with the ideas Add an article
a controversial
the controversial
of
"Pupils should study whatever they like" and "Change preposition
that
Student
should study Fix the agreement mistake
Students
subject
that will be useful Change the noun form
subjects
int
the future, Correct your spelling
in
such
as those related to science
and technology
.
On the one hand, parents should consider their children's choice
and desire in subject and Job. By making their own choice
, learners will enjoy their decisions as well as
be more active in class. Most importantly, subjects in universities are the preparation for work
field, by making Correct article usage
the work
wrong
decision, people will regret and, because Add an article
the wrong
a wrong
job
is everyone's crucial part and Add an article
the job
a job
need
in life. Change the verb form
needs
Along with
this
Idea, we cannot let other people to
affect Change the verb form
apply
in
our Change preposition
apply
choice
. Fix the agreement mistake
choices
Additionally
, by take-over
Correct your spelling
taking
of
AI (Change preposition
over
artificial
Intelligence) demand in Capitalize word
Artificial
science
and technology
may decrease because some job opportunities may get replaced with artificial intelligence resulting unemployment
Change preposition
in unemployment
over
the world.
Rephrase
all over
On the other hand
, in this
fast-flourishing science
century jobs in science
and technology
sectors are advantageous and suitable for these decades. Computer science
has a big impact in
Change preposition
on
this
society because it is an invention that can never be mistaken. With this
object (computer) life got easier and tons of discoveries have been made with this
devices’
support. Working in Change noun form
device’s
this
sector can be a sound piece of cake but it is a bit difficult, but salaries will not make anyone upset. For instance
, the person I know makes 7000 dollars monthly by just working 3 hours a day everywhere in the world.
In conclusion, this
essay considered both 2 sides and, in my opinion, I prefer the statement “Study whatever they want “because there is no better choice
than one’s desire in life.Submitted by buyabuya201 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more logically. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting points are directly related to this main idea.
Task Response
Provide a clearer introduction, stating both sides of the argument briefly before presenting your thesis statement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and reiterates your opinion, without introducing new ideas.
Task Achievement
Develop your paragraphs with more specific, detailed examples to support your arguments. This will enhance the relevance and impact of your essay.
Task Response
Avoid overly general statements and strive for precision in your language. Be specific about how certain decisions or trends impact individuals or society.
General Advice
Check for grammatical errors and improve your sentence structure for clarity and effectiveness.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example