Some Countries have implemented mandatory community programs for young people. In these programs, children aged 16 to 18 do charity work, help old people or work with animals. What are some advantages and disadvantages for this for young people?
The obligatory
community
service where teens are mandated to do voluntary work to help the
Correct article usage
apply
society
, has sparked a substantial debate around the globe. While
some advocates
for Fix the agreement mistake
advocate
this
because of the benefits such
as it helps
children develop soft Wrong verb form
helping
skills
, as well as
foster
a sense of Wrong verb form
fostering
community
, others contend against it, highlighting the drawbacks which are picking up of sickness from the aged and potential harm from aggressive animals. Analyzing these facts will give a comprehensive overview of this
subject matter.
On the one hand, diseases can easily be picked up by these teens while
helping out elderly people. Another possible demerit is that unfriendly pets can attack or injure them on
the work process. Change preposition
in
For instance
, I was treated of
tuberculosis when I was young because of my frequent visits to old people’s care Change preposition
for
home
. Clearly, Fix the agreement mistake
homes
this
is an ill health only
being around the elderly would cause. Correct pronoun usage
that only
Hence
, it is apparent that this
is a drawback to society
and not good for the child’s well-being.
On the other hand
, teenagers can develop soft skills
by caring for people or animals. Furthermore
, the arrangements would foster a sense of community
,
and love which has become obsolete nowadays. Remove the comma
apply
For example
, my nephew showed a lot of empathy recently, even
went as far as reserving some of his lunch for a pet he met at the animal rehabilitation center. Obviously, he would not Correct word choice
and even
pick
up these Wrong verb form
have picked
skills
if he was
not asked to volunteer at school. Verb problem
had
Therefore
, it is clear this
community
programs are beneficial to the
Correct article usage
apply
society
.
In conclusion, some country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
has
implemented compulsory Correct subject-verb agreement
have
community
programs where people between the age
of 16 to 18 do charity work, which has prompted a considerable evaluation. Many support Fix the agreement mistake
ages
this
initiative, due to
it promotes adaptability Change preposition
because
skills
and collaboration in the
Correct article usage
apply
society
. Whereas others
refute it, because of possible disadvantages Correct word choice
Others
such
as transferring diseases to teens and injuries could
be caused by animals. Examining Correct pronoun usage
that could
this
factuality has given an
extensive understanding of the merits and demerits of Correct pronoun usage
me an
this
topic.Submitted by Eby
on
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Task Achievement
Provide a clearer, more detailed introduction. Briefly outline the advantages and disadvantages you plan to discuss to give the reader a clear overview of your essay structure.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking devices to connect ideas more effectively. Use conjunctions, topic sentences, and transitional phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and within paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Support your arguments with more varied and detailed examples. Instead of relying on personal anecdotes, try to include broader, more universally applicable examples or statistics to strengthen your points.
Task Achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument. While you've mentioned both advantages and disadvantages, aim for equal treatment in terms of development and analysis of each perspective.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider revising the conclusion to more succinctly summarize the key points made in the essay, as well as reiterating the overall stance without introducing new information.
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