IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some Countries have implemented mandatory community programs for young people. In these programs, children aged 16 to 18 do charity work, help old people or work with animals. What are some advantages and disadvantages for this for young people?

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The obligatory
community
Use synonyms
 service where teens are mandated to do voluntary work to help
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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, has sparked a substantial debate around the globe.
While
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 some
advocates
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advocate
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 for
this
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 because of the benefits
such
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 as
it helps
Wrong verb form
helping
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 children develop soft
skills
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,
as well as
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foster
Wrong verb form
fostering
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 a sense of
community
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, others contend against it, highlighting the drawbacks which are picking up of sickness from the aged and potential harm from aggressive animals. Analyzing these facts will give a comprehensive overview of
this
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 subject matter. On the one hand, diseases can easily be picked up by these teens
while
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 helping out elderly people. Another possible demerit is that unfriendly pets can attack or injure them
on
Change preposition
in
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 the work process.
For instance
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, I was treated
of
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for
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 tuberculosis when I was young because of my frequent visits to old people’s care
home
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homes
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. Clearly,
this
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 is an ill health
only
Correct pronoun usage
that only
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 being around the elderly would cause.
Hence
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, it is apparent that
this
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 is a drawback to
society
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 and not good for the child’s well-being.
On the other hand
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, teenagers can develop soft
skills
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 by caring for people or animals.
Furthermore
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, the arrangements would foster a sense of
community
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and love which has become obsolete nowadays.
For example
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, my nephew showed a lot of empathy recently,
even
Correct word choice
and even
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 went as far as reserving some of his lunch for a pet he met at the animal rehabilitation center. Obviously, he would not
pick
Wrong verb form
have picked
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 up these
skills
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 if he
was
Verb problem
had
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 not asked to volunteer at school.
Therefore
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, it is clear
this
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community
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 programs are beneficial to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, some
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 implemented compulsory
community
Use synonyms
 programs where people between the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of 16 to 18 do charity work, which has prompted a considerable evaluation. Many support
this
Linking Words
 initiative,
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due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
 it promotes adaptability
skills
Use synonyms
 and collaboration in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
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Whereas others
Correct word choice
Others
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 refute it, because of possible disadvantages
such
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 as transferring diseases to teens and injuries
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
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 be caused by animals. Examining
this
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 factuality has given
an
Correct pronoun usage
me an
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 extensive understanding of the merits and demerits of
this
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 topic.

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Task Achievement
Provide a clearer, more detailed introduction. Briefly outline the advantages and disadvantages you plan to discuss to give the reader a clear overview of your essay structure.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking devices to connect ideas more effectively. Use conjunctions, topic sentences, and transitional phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and within paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Support your arguments with more varied and detailed examples. Instead of relying on personal anecdotes, try to include broader, more universally applicable examples or statistics to strengthen your points.
Task Achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument. While you've mentioned both advantages and disadvantages, aim for equal treatment in terms of development and analysis of each perspective.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider revising the conclusion to more succinctly summarize the key points made in the essay, as well as reiterating the overall stance without introducing new information.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory
  • community programs
  • charity work
  • elderly assistance
  • responsibility
  • empathy
  • real-world experience
  • resumes
  • college applications
  • broader understanding
  • societal issues
  • cultures
  • genuine interest
  • academic performance
  • logistical challenges
  • coordination
  • support
  • time-consuming
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