Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic education. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
it cannot be neglected that nowadays,
people
going to universities are more, to get their academics rather than who
are interested in vocational training. I do agree that skill trade Correct pronoun usage
those who
jobs
should be more targated
as compared to academic studies. these going to be beneficial for all.
there are many reasons behind Correct your spelling
targeted
this
phenomenon that people
tend to do academic studies . Firstly
, white color
Change the spelling
colour
jobs
. Many individuals love to do sitting jobs
and they believe its
better to get high salaries by doing comfortable Correct your spelling
it's
jobs
rather than hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
jobs
, for example
: construction workers have to do work in all weather conditions even sometimes there is cold and too much hot outside. Moreover
, in society's eyes
Add a comma
eyes,
this
type of education is for less educated students or people
.
on the other hand
, it could be more proficient for all
the world if they create Correct determiner usage
apply
the
balance Correct article usage
a
betwen
Correct your spelling
between
skill
trade Replace the word
skilled
jobes
and academic Correct your spelling
jobs
jobs
. for instance
, a four years
university degree costs too much , Correct your spelling
four-year
while
one or 2 years of plumber
diploma can cut the cost by almost half of that high education's fees. Another benefit can be Correct article usage
a plumber
financially
profit Change the word
financial
like
Change preposition
apply
people
who are working under any company will only get raise whenever company
wants , Correct article usage
the company
however
a person who is Add a comma
however,
electrician
or plumber can make his own money Correct article usage
an electrician
according to
demand
of work.
Add an article
the demand
To conclude
, there is no need to mention that in this
present era vocational study is much profitable
than academics and it will Correct quantifier usage
more profitable
costs
less as well.Change the verb form
cost
Submitted by jaspreetkaur45047 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Focus on clarifying your main ideas with more precise language and avoid overgeneralizations. Make sure each paragraph introduces a distinct idea and expands on it thoroughly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a broader range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Try to make more explicit connections between your examples and the points they support.
General
Revise your essay for grammatical accuracy and vocabulary range. Errors and limited lexical resources can distract from the coherence of your arguments.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!