Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic education. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

it cannot be neglected that nowadays,
people
going to universities are more, to get their academics rather than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
are interested in vocational training. I do agree that skill trade
jobs
should be more
targated
Correct your spelling
targeted
as compared to academic studies. these going to be beneficial for all. there are many reasons behind
this
phenomenon that
people
tend to do academic studies .
Firstly
, white
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
jobs
. Many individuals love to do sitting
jobs
and they believe
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
better to get high salaries by doing comfortable
jobs
rather than
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
jobs
,
for example
: construction workers have to do work in all weather conditions even sometimes there is cold and too much hot outside.
Moreover
, in society's
eyes
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eyes,
show examples
this
type of education is for less educated students or
people
.
on the other hand
, it could be more proficient for
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the world if they create
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
balance
betwen
Correct your spelling
between
skill
Replace the word
skilled
show examples
trade
jobes
Correct your spelling
jobs
show examples
and academic
jobs
.
for instance
, a
four years
Correct your spelling
four-year
show examples
university degree costs too much ,
while
one or 2 years of
plumber
Correct article usage
a plumber
show examples
diploma can cut the cost by almost half of that high education's fees. Another benefit can be
financially
Change the word
financial
show examples
profit
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
who are working under any company will only get raise whenever
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
wants ,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
a person who is
electrician
Correct article usage
an electrician
show examples
or plumber can make his own money
according to
demand
Add an article
the demand
show examples
of work.
To conclude
, there is no need to mention that in
this
present era vocational study is much
profitable
Correct quantifier usage
more profitable
show examples
than academics and it will
costs
Change the verb form
cost
show examples
less as well.
Submitted by jaspreetkaur45047 on

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Task Achievement
Focus on clarifying your main ideas with more precise language and avoid overgeneralizations. Make sure each paragraph introduces a distinct idea and expands on it thoroughly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a broader range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Try to make more explicit connections between your examples and the points they support.
General
Revise your essay for grammatical accuracy and vocabulary range. Errors and limited lexical resources can distract from the coherence of your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Vocational training
  • Skilled tradespeople
  • Job market
  • Financial burden
  • Traditional four-year university
  • Local economy
  • Stigma
  • Subsidies
  • Awareness campaigns
  • Mainstream education system
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